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My friend has her problems. And that's okay. I try to help her through it as best as I can.
But she has her phases too. When she says I am her bestie after I helped her yet again, telling me I can tell her anything after she told me anything. Again, I offered. I like to be there for her, it's my job.
It's just, too much when she then yells at me, insults me, makes me feel like shit.
It's too much when I finally tell her something that's troubeling me and she basically says I'm spitting lies. When I tell her my problems, even just to tell someone and feel lighter, maybe asking for a little help. Why am I getting accused that I'm stupid and lie? Are my feelings really not as valuable as I value others? Am I just too naive and nice when I help her? Again and again and again. Why is she accusing me and then apologizing saying she didn't mean it and that I'm her bestie and I can tell her anything. I don't want to tell her anything. Stop pushing when I say I don't want to talk about it. Why are you surprised when I ignore you for a few hours? I just don't want to get accused. I know you have your problems and it's probably because of that, we don't know the actual problem it's just a lot of moodswings. I feel bad for not being able to get over it. I think it just washes over her sometimes,,,often. Is that naive of me?
Please advice I don't know what to do. I feel like shit. Should I change? Should she change? What even is the problem :/ I don't know I don't know I don't know. It's too much
Is it really so wrong to meet up with a friend to have a little bit of fun once a week during a stressful time? Am I supposed to stay at home when I'm stressed with homework and projects???
IDK
pls pls pls advice
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Maybe this might be alarming but friendship are temporary. You’re life will be better by finding new friends or even having no friends then wasting your limited time with someone disrespectful towards you
ReplyHmm I would like you to reevaluate your friendship with her. I have been there too, and I would say this kind of friendship is toxic and one-sided. It's like you are her accessory and you are not allowed to feel. I can see some signs of manipulation and gaslighting, yes she is hurting, but it doesn't mean that you don't have feelings too. If you keep telling her your feelings and she keeps on doing this, I know it's hard but it's best to try and prioritize your health over a friendship that was not even beneficial for you anyways. Friendships are supposed to be give and take and you should be able to both grow because of friendship, supporting one another and just trying to be there for each other, I know it it not as unconditional at times that we hope for, but true friends won't be like that. The way this girl is acting is too selfish and probably she is just occupied and pushed by her feelings that she acts this way, but it affects the way you see yourself, and dear, trust me, the longer you let yourself be treated that way, you'll feel like dirt begging for love and validation from her. I hope you prioritize yourself. I have been in that situation and it took me a long time to heal and see myself for who I am. You are worthy of love and such. You don't deserve this. Clearly she can't see how good of a friend you are. It's not your loss, it's hers.
ReplyHey,
thank you so much for your advice. I think the best I can do is distancing myself from that friendship because as you said, I'm really not getting anything out of it. It'd be stupid to completly break off any ties because I see her everyday and we are in the same friendgroup. I hope that if I speak up more that she might think about what she is going to say before the words leave her mouth...
I want to keep it friendly for the sake of a healthy, drama-free (as drama free as it gets), environment.
Thank you a lot for your comment I will work on prioritizing myself and stop trying to bend everything I am to her or anyones liking <3
ReplyThat's good to hear! You should never let forget how important yourself just for the sake of other people. I am in no position to say as much, but even if you cannot completely cut her off, try to put a boundary or even be firm of what you really think or believe. You will find people or friends who would put the same effort as much as you do. That is why I advise you prioritize yourself, because if you let this go any longer, you will feel like the problem lies and it will really affect your self-esteem. I really hope you find the friend who would be willing to do as much as you do :)) Take it one step at a time too, don't be harsh on yourself if you fail to set what you want to do :))
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