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To start I'm 22f and he's 23m, we've been together for 3 years, living together for 2. We are very open about the friends we make and how often we talk to them. This morning I saw a notification on his discord from a girl I didn't recognize so I decided to check it out. Nothing inappropriate but I will say the way he talks to them makes me feel uneasy about it. He's just way too kind and wants to be there for her because she's upset about a breakup, he uses little tiny bit of flirting like he used to when he and I first starting talking. He never told me about her or that he played games w her constantly while he's at work. (He's a noc shift caretaker so he has little free time throughout work) he's been hiding it from me. I scrolled out of their chat and then saw a bunch of recently added women on the list.. so I go snoop. All of them innocent but he talks to them all the same. He just gets too close and personal with how they talk. I'm uncomfortable and feel disrespected. I'm not mentioned once in these chats and they've been active for weeks. I make and pack him home cooked meals every night to take to work and in these chats he takes credit for making and packing it. It's like he's avoiding mentioning me. There's like 5 women he's talking to. One of them is an ex. It was a girl he sexted, shared nudes w, and talked to before we got together. I looked at their chat, nothing bad in these recent texts but I notice they've been talking on and off this year.. me and him heavily agreed it's not OK to talk to an ex. I could literally scroll up in that chat and see the old message and saw that the nudes were still there too!! He's been hanging out with her recently playing games too. I'm disgusted because the only times he talks to these women is when he leaves for work then he has all night away from me. And also, every chat is deleted after every conversation. I had to click on their profile in recently added to see there chat from a few days ago but all his normal gaming buddies are still on his list. He is going out of his way to hide these conversations even when not inappropriate. What do I do? I'm going to talk to him when he wakes up. I demand that the ex is blocked and not talked to or played w on games anymore but what about the others he's hiding from me? I'm at a loss because there's nothing sexual or flirty. Bit the hiding is enough to be a problem for me. He's going behind my back .. I have 4 hours to think about this until he's awake. Please help
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Hey there, speaking as a guy, I can 100% say that he is interested in them. See this is why men suck, a hetero man will only put effort into female friends he is attracted to. And like you said, he seems to be putting a lot of effort into them. Maybe he's not planning to cheat, but even more upsetting is the idea that he's seeking emotional fulfillment from other girls while avoiding you.
Ok you're in a tricky situation because if you point this out, point out how much it's hurting you, he'll take the "legal defense" that he hasn't done anything wrong. And he'll stick to that, making you feel crazy for making a big deal out of it. Even if he's still causing you pain, in his mind he'll justify it because he didn't do anything. You can't win.
Here's what I would do if I were you... Yes, confront him, but don't accuse him of any wrongdoing (otherwise he'll hide behind that "legal defense"). Tell him that sure, he's free to have female friends, but you're noticing it is killing your relationship. You're noticing that he doesn't communicate with you, not prioritizing you the way you prioritize him.
If he gets it, congratulations, conflict resolved(?). But if he doesn't get it, if he keeps defending himself or worse, tries to make you feel crazy, then you might wanna consider finding someone better. You definitely deserve better than this. The question is, will he change and give you "better"? If not, I bet you can find it elsewhere.
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