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There’s a specific feeling
when I wake up
in the twilight before morning
in your bed, wrapped up
just as tightly in your arms
as the moment before
we fell asleep
Your body heat
like a stone warmed by the sun
radiates out of you
steady and strong
It makes us both sweat
but we’re too content to move
We don’t dare make space between us
won’t risk losing a moment
of this security
this feeling we found home
this peace
You breathe steady
at the back of my neck
Deep breath in
Deeper sigh out
I know you’re taking in
the smell of me
My fingers in yours
tangled like my hair at midnight
You are so gentle with me
I am getting used
to tenderness
Learning to accept
your generous portions
of softness
I feel like an animal
caged it’s whole life
finally touching grass
You feel like fantasy
but you are too real, at once
Is it finally my turn
to receive the love I’ve handed out?
I gave and gave those vouchers
or tucked them away to be found
like so many Gideon’s bibles
but they ended up in the trash
wasted
I just hoped to reach one person
Is it finally my turn
to receive all those touches
I placed with such purpose
that were taken for granted?
Maybe
Or am I just doing what I’m good at
making treasure out of scraps
Imagined value in
the garbage I’ve been second-handed
Making the best of my rations
spread so thin
because who knows when I get another helping
of something real
But I like to think
you are different
You invest in me like
you see my potential
and you knew I just needed
a little water and sunlight
to grow
I needed to be picked up
from the concrete
buried in the warm earth
and tended to
So you did
with your patience, when I didn’t trust you
with your firmness, when I got unruly
with your support, when I was fragile
And now I recognize
a part of myself in you
The part that gives
and doesn’t know when to stop
because nothing is so satisfying
as making that little plant grow
and the progress sustains us
but only for so long
We can’t forget to feed ourselves, too
Or else, who takes care of the plant?
But we pour selflessly from our cups
that become emptier each day
We’ll refill it later
There’s always tomorrow
Until we’ve given so much
there are no drops left to drip
and those bare insides echo back at us
loud and obvious
But the good news is
we are the same
So long as my cup has water
I won’t let you thirst
I will recognize each touch from you
as a deliberate, thoughtful gift
I won’t dare leave space between us
I will sweat
from your heat
and love
every
second
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