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We were in a relationship for 5 years. Unfortunately, she just fell out of love with me at some point in the road. I saw the signs, but we were both too scared to bring it up. Eventually her bravery and feeling came out, I didn’t fight it, because you shouldn’t force someone to love you. It’s been about a month now, maybe month and week or so and closure has not hit me yet.
What I want to say is, I love her and I still love her, but odd questions occupy my thoughts when I think that; Did I really love her? If I did wouldn’t I have fought more to keep her from leaving? Am I shooting myself in the foot by never texting or calling her so she can live her life guilt free? Am I fooling myself into being on some kind of high road?
Ultimately, there was no way to know how it would have turned out. As I attempt to try and dive back into the social life, I still go home to that empty bed and stay up longer then I would like thinking about it. I guess the question I think about the most is, does she think about me as much as I think about her?
She was so honest about it with me and assured me that I deserved someone who really cared, she told me that everything I did for her was so much that she felt like she needed to be with me to make up for it and couldn’t live that lie and now I try look at it through that lease she looked at me from and feel like I see the opposite.
I have this problem now where I am trying to figure out where an ego might be, or where I lost humbleness along the way or where this bad person is, all these things that may or may not exist are and why didn’t I notice them before, because something at some point went wrong, I am having trouble dealing with the underline statement, “you deserve someone who loves you more then I do.”
Kinda rambled at the end there. Time for bed.
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i feel you. that is the sad reality of life. being in a long term relationship and then suddenly losing everything you had from the very start because at one point your partner had fallen out of love.
ReplyWe are literally in the same boat.. just so tough. My boyfriend and I broke up because "i deserve better". Does that mean you don't love me anymore? Or what? It leaves your heart hurting for more and there isn't anything you can do. I'm in no perfect place but I am trying and I think that is the best thing for you to do to. Just keep trying to see friends, family, pets. Just keep trying it will hopefully get better for the both of us
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