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I’ve been trying, I promise I’ve been trying. I tried so it didn’t get to me, so it wouldn’t ruin me. I tried but it was too wrong today. I gave up and picked it up and proceeded to drag it against my skin. I was trying hard to not do it but I couldn’t. I’m so tired. Why did this happen I can’t understand. I was doing too good for his to occur. I was clean, I was eating, no stress, I was content. And it went to shit today. I tried to ignore it but I couldn’t. This can’t be happening, it just can’t. I was doing fine, I stoped counting the day I was okay. I stoped because I thought I was okay for real now. I thought I wouldn’t go back. I thought I would leave it in the past and never get an urge again. I was going good for too long. I don’t understand why. This feeling right now, this feeling, I don’t want it. I remember this feeling too well. It disgusts me. I hate it so much I want it gone. I hate this feeling. This feeling of wanting to disappear again. This feeling of anxiety. This feeling of not being able to breathe. Not being able to stop crying. This feeling of shame. This feeling of giving up. I don’t want it, I thought things would change why now why?
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