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Where will it end?
At the rate of how things have been going throughout my life. There's a possiblity I could end up being a homeless woman,not the future I expected to turn out for myself. How am I ever going to feel good about myself,be successful and happy at this point? It always a cycle of negativity, misery and it's not all my fault for it either,which is the worst. I still take the blame and responsibility because I get blamed for anything and everything anyways. Fingers point making it easier to blame. My life has been damaging and a rollercoaster. I don't know if it will get better and if I will be okay too.
I keep fighting through my battles and obstacles that I am faced with, try to get out. I feel weak with how my mental wellbeing has become, use to be much better than now and it's sad how I haven't reached close to anything. I'm not even sure anymore for what I'm fighting for. I have hardly made any improvements and advancements in my life,subtle but not very far. I feel stuck with my inner issues and life circumstances. It's tempting to decide that maybe, I should give up.I don't know what the hell I am doing here and what my purpose here really is.
Don't think I really can do this anymore. It's destroying me and my life feels it had been ruined already. Yet, i am dealt with these cards and expected to overcome them, like a miracle of a sort.
Starting to believe that maybe i am one of those people destined to fall?
If I reached that point where I end up being homeless. If it does come to this, i'm done with life as an absolute and i would most likely be much happier not having to suffer anymore, if i were to be dead.
Don't even know...
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It is hard to face situations like this when they arise. Thank you so much for writing out how you feel and what is going on. May I encourage you, nonetheless? Even when others blame you for anything and everything, know it probably is not your fault. You are stronger than the challenges that come your way. There was a story about a man stuck at sea. He was reported missing for a couple weeks but was not found until he drifted to shore almost a month later. Every day throughout the time of being at sea, a new challenge faced him. Whether it was trying to find some form of food to finding fresh water, all the way to dodging the effects of being in the middle of a war. Yet, he persevered under each and every trial, knowing regardless of what the future held, he would make it if he believed he could. Spoiler to the story, once he reached land, he found himself in the middle of a naval base of the country his homeland was fighting against. Although he faced even worse trials on-land than he ever did in the ocean, because he believed he would make it through, he lived through the challenges and found himself living a life of peace and joy.
I know your story is quite different, based on what you described, I feel like persevering through what you are presently going through (even if it does seem to get worse) will reap and bring about a lot of benefit to you. Just keep going. Know you are not alone in this and I deeply care for you, even though I do not know you. Regardless, you matter to me and do not deserve to be looked upon in a dismissive way. No matter what you are going through or will go through, you are important and precious. Please keep on going.
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