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We'll call me B.
B is a touring musician and performer that has been at what he's doing for over half a decade at this point, on a professional level. With this comes levels of expectation, such as social media presence and portraying a certain "glamour" with the entire image. What lies within, tucked far away from the spotlight, is something that eats away at me and I cannot tell people about it.
Tens of thousands of followers surround my social media pages, which I am expected to maintain every single day. They want to know my thoughts, actions, plans, et cetera and I can't tell them that I'm dying inside.
I can't tell anybody that I loathe myself. Self hatred consumes me on a daily basis and I often wish that I weren't around. Sometimes I feel as though the world would be a much better place without me around. A lot of the time I feel like disappearing entirely.
People tell me my work has impacted their lives, made them inspired, caused them to look at things a little differently. This has always been my goal in this journey. They tell me to keep doing this, to stick around and be there for them. I have to choke back tears and pretend I'm not thinking about ending everything. I'm lonely, depressed, sad, unsure of what is to come and need nothing more than to be reached out to and told things will be truly okay... And it does not ever happen. It can't because I can't use my platforms for it. Negative imagery, bad press, nobody wants to hear or see it...
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you can quietly go to therapy. also, a lot of celebs have admitted publicly that they suffer from depression and mental health issues and they've received lots of support from their fans, and even brought in more fans because of it.
if you've been doing this for awhile, can you afford to take time off to yourself for awhile? like, i dunno, four months, six months, a year, however long it takes to feel better.
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