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We've been together since August, and I know he loves me just as much as I love him. I can't imagine ever being without him again.
Recently something happened though. We're both 17 and I was actually the one who took his virginity, so he's not really experienced. We're both into bondage stuff (cuffs, collars, etc.). He's into anal, I'm not, but I still sometimes let him penetrate me there or insert his finger because it really turns him on and I usually don't mind it too much (with lube and enough prep).
About two weeks ago he was fingering me (vaginally). I was laying on my stomach just enjoying it, when he said "How about we try inserting more fingers". He put on a glove and lots of lube. At first he was using only two, then three, then four fingers. When he tried to insert his thumb it started really hurting, so I wiggled away a bit to let him know. He didn't stop though. He pushed harder and harder. I thrashed around, tried to crawl away, pushed him away with my legs, but nothing could stop him from trying to insert his whole hand into me. He didn't insert it entirely though, and gave me a little break.
A bit later we decided to try something new and he got out an eyemask and handcuffs for me to wear while I he was fingering me. I just hoped to god he wouldn't try anything stupid.
He asked if I was fine with his fingers in my butt I said sure. He inserted one, then two, suddenly three, four. I was already in a bit of pain. But when I felt his thumb creep towards the opening of my anus I just curled up and kept saying no no no no, at least 10 times, while he violently pushed his finger in. Now the pain was excruciating, I was hyperventilating and felt tears flowing down my cheeks from under my mask, I was unable to speak. I tried to crawl away from him, almost falling down the bed, tried to kick him away, but again he wouldn't stop. It felt like torture. It was only until after he removed his fingers out of me that he asked "You ok?". I just nodded, and silently cried while he left the room to dispose of the gloves.
My entire abdomen hurt for days after. I could barely sit down or use the toilet. I had started bleeding from my IUD again, but inserting even small tampons just hurt too much. Sometimes my insides, especially my colon hurt so much that I was doubled over in pain.
I still don't understand why despite usually being so gentle and caring he wouldn't stop when he was clearly hurting me. It was just so out of character for him. We talked that night and he apologized for hurting me. I assured him it's okay, but I haven't told him just how violated I really felt. I don't want to make him feel guilty. And we still want to marry one day. I still love him just as much as I did before. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt me. But I'm still hurt and confused. I just can't shake what happened that day.
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Okay i think since your not scared of him its fine, and boys get horny and when they do they turn into a differnt person but i also think you tell him you felt violated and, that you dont like the 3 or 4 fingers idead and that you dont ever want him to do that again. but if he does do again you have to break up with him because thats unsafe.
ReplyI agree with her you gave him the ok then said No Ik you were scared but you really need to tell him how much pain u were in cause of that night Dont be scared if he truly luvs u as he clams he does then he should understand somethings are just a no and u dont do or u cross the line, and sometimes crossing the line means it's to late to turn back so talk with him and do let him know how you feel about it and what pain it had caused you.
ReplyGirl he doesn't love you. I'm sorry that this happened. And whether you consented in the beginning or not as soon as you said no he should have stopped. When a man hears no he knows what he's doing no matter what. You did not cause this. And you did not consent to this.
You really think it was a mistake twice? It's not and most likely will prolly escalate. If you are hell bent on seeing his side and giving him another chance you have to sit him down and tell him what he did. Why are you worried about him feeling bad he should feel bad. And when it happens again which I'm sorry to say it most likely will. You still aren't to blame. He's not a toddler he knows what no means. He's grooming you for worse things to come. Please tell someone in real life.
Lastly no matter how many men I've been with and regardless of our relationship status friends, bf and gf, casual sex partners if ever I've said no to them they have stopped no matter how far into things we were. Slow down, they slow down, not like that they do something different even some as simple as pushing them away they respond to. If you are going to continue with rough sex and are ok with that you still have a right to say no to certain things even if you consented at first. If he truly didn't know and im telling you I find this hard to believe that you were sobbing and saying no and he thought it was part of the sex you have to set clear boundaries and let him know you won't say no unless you mean no and it's not part of it. Some people have safe words but no is a very clear no.
Don't let your love for someone put your safety and well being in danger and beyond that he could have causes serious damage and sounds like he already cause quite a bit.
ReplyI think I cummed. Sorry
ReplyThat's fucked up.
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ReplyDont let him feel that it is ok to do it again cause he will think it is but it aint ok to hurt the person you luv so do sit down and have a talk with him
ReplyHe did. I think he knew what he did to you! You were crying for hell's sake!!
You need to talk to someone. Well first u need to talk to him then to someone else if he doesn't stop. He is gonna keep doing that, honey.
Ps I'm a girl. So the word "honey" isn't supposed to be sexual. Thank u
ReplyYou need to break up with him right away! You said no and he kept going, hurting you on purpose. Yes, that's rape. He treated you like a plastic doll, not a person. This guy could become very dangerous. I think you need to go to the hospital to check to see if he damaged your body.
Replyyes that is rape break up
ReplyThe only thing I can 100% say in confidence is that you HAVE to tell him what you told us; about the whole feeling violated part. I know it's hard, because society incorrectly portrays rapists as these creepy and evil strangers. But the truth is, it can be anyone. And not to scare u any further or put u down at all, it's just that we NEED to know these things simply for the sake of our safety.
So yes he definitely did, straight up. And the commenter above is right ^ he knew what he was doing. Perhaps he may also get the thrill out of excessive dominance; basically feeling the slight sense of lack in control - I know that rape for men can sometimes derive from that. It's like a form of masculinity to have a certain amount of control, and they sometimes reflect rape as a false way of bringing that back when they feel that they no longer have it..
Not here to judge either, so if you still love him an you still wanna be with him then that is absolutely fine. It's your body, your life, and your choices. HOWEVER if you do still love him an wanna be with him, then you must also do the right thing in a relationship which is good COMMUNICATION. If you don't tell him, then again the commenter above is right ^ it will happen again. Just tell him, and perhaps next time you both come up with a safe word, cuz believe it or not men can get raped too. And also apparently "no" doesn't always stop a person from raping - Don't worry sweety you're not alone, that one is a fact.
I hope this helps, good luck to you! <3 [I'm also female if it makes you feel better, safer, etc..]
ReplyThat's so awful. So so awful. What do you want to do?
ReplyPlease tell me you dumped him.
ReplyThat's b.s. you shoulda punched him in the face and called the police.
ReplyIf someone treats you like shit like that you don't deal with it. That's physical abuse/rape. You tell someone about it right then and there. If it ever happens to you again you need to get help. There's some really messed up people out there. No one deserves that.
ReplyI think he knew what he was doing and it sounded like it was obvious that you didn't like it and you were hurting. If he was a good match for any girl, he wouldn't have done it. Girly, trust me on this, he isn't good enough for you if he isn't willing to do what he knows is best for you and your body. I would definitely go to the hospital to make sure your body is alright.
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