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Hey, everyone,
I just want to share my feelings because it's way too much for me to handle. I've never felt this way before. Like everything is so overwhelming and hard. It's like my soul is hurting, I can't take this for much longer. I don't know what to do.
I feel like it started with my driving lessons. I started taking them in July. From the beginning it was so hard for me to learn and the instructor was so impatient and yelled at me. I really despised him by this point, I didn't want to take any more lessons. But I continued anyway. Days before I was supposed to have a lesson I would get anxious, stressed and afraid. I passed my theoretical exam and felt more confident, but I was still scared of the car and the instructor. So I went to my first practical exam and I failed. I didn't even drive a lot, around 5 minutes if not less. I felt horrible. The whole day. Then the second exam came and I failed again. On the third I got to drive around 15 minutes and failed again. Today I failed my fourth, I made a mistake exactly 2 minutes before the exam was finished. I just can't do this anymore, I keep failing. At this point I want to pass my exam not to drive my own car, but to finish with all of this. It's been so tiring and awful. Just knowing that I have to take another exam makes me anxious and stressed. And I know you will think it's not a big deal, but for me it is. I overthink way too much, I worry way too much. I feel like a failure, I don't know what to do anymore. Everyone passes their exam at some point and I just can't! I feel scared of the car. I don't make any little mistakes on the exam, but a big one that makes me fail. I want to give up but my parents invested a lot of money in this. I feel guilty cause I fail them every time. I'm a senior so I'm supposed to study for university but I can't cause driving is taking a lot of my time, and as I'm trying to balance I fail at both. I'm alone, I've never had a boyfriend, nobody has ever been interested in me. I can't talk to anyone, I feel sad. I cry a lot and my parents think that it's because of the exam but that's not the only reason. I cry cause I feel overwhelmed and helpless. I can't do this anymore. I don't have the hardest life, I'm thankful for my health and my house and everything, but I'm not happy. My life has no meaning. I don't have a boyfriend, not even much friends. My friend passed her driving exam so now I'm alone in this, too. I feel broken, sad, lonely, stressed. I just want something good to happen to me. I don't have anyone to talk to, I just can't anymore. I feel incredibly sad lately, I feel down, I have problems with my sleep. I skip meals. I've always enjoyed eating. I isolated myself, I even deactivated my social media accounts. I want to hide from the world but I also want someone to talk to. It's confusing and exhausting. I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore. I see people enjoying their lives with their friends and being happy. And I just feel sad. I don't know what happened with me, I've always been a positive person. I enjoyed all types of activities. And now I feel empty. Alone. Like a waste of space. Like a failure.
Thanks if you read all of that. I just wanted to share my feelings. Because what's happening to me .. It's strange. And it hurts me so much I can't take it.
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Hey
First let me say congratulations on trying and trying again even after failing, you're not giving up and that's even more important than success
Believe me I know, I've now failed University two times already and I will graduate earliest when I'm 26
I've been in a similar situation to yours before in driving but it was my dad beside me and boy did I screw up, I vowed never to drive again till I get my own car
You're going through a lot of pressure and your driving instructor didn't help by yelling
So how about this, try to be slower in your actions I really can't put it into words but try to slowly do that driving exam just focusing on the basics and things you're sure of
Don't worry if you fail again and again and again, because you're learning. It's true because I'm sure the mistakes you made in your first exam you probably wouldn't repeat them now
ReplyThank you so much for the time and the effort to answer! 🙂 I really appreciate it.
ReplyI want you to know that I was in a similar boat, driving terrified me after a boy from my high school was killed in an accident over summer break. I felt dread at the idea of getting behind the wheel. I put it off for months until I learned that I would have to overcome my fear. You mentioned your friend passing her examine, it’s not healthy to compare yourself to others when you already have a low opinion of your capablities. Everyone has a different pace, and I was needlessly embarrassed of my reluctance. As for your instructor, they sound awful and unfit to teach (unfortunately this happens), don’t let their negativity weigh you down to the point where you perform poorly; rise above their stupidity. You should always be cautious of yourself and others but know that your experience will get better and you will be more confident as time passes.
ReplyThank you for the kind words and the encouragement! I really should try and pass this exam, its
ReplyI have noticed that I'm getting better in driving but I still have low self esteem. As for my instructor, I made a mistake. If I could go back, I would never choose him. It was a terrible idea, but it's in the past. I really hope I pass soon.
Replygood luck
ReplyYou’re determination is commendable, I know you will accomplish what you set out to do if you continue to be headstrong!
Reply