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I don't know what you did to me, but I can't seem to move on from you. It has literally been over two years since we split but I miss you so much. I miss having you a part of my life and me being a part of yours. I see you in person and my heart stops a bit. I think of you and times we've had together and my chest hurts. I see you with your new girl, and I see that she makes you very happy which I'm glad. It seems like you make her happy too. And I see that your family approves, and I see her that her's does too. Which is great because that seems like something you've never had before. I do miss your family. They were so nice and funny. I'm sorry that mine was never as open to you, maybe they sensed something. I mean, you did end up breaking my heart into shambles. Betrayed and disrespected me in every way you could think of. Hurt me once, then came back into my life just to do it again. Now that I think of it, I don't miss you at all. I think I just see what you have now and I get jealous. I really am jealous. I mean you have the relationship I want, really. What I've always wanted but we never could have. And I'm happy you have it now, but I am upset because I'm jealous that I don't have that, yet YOU do. Something I deserve, but don't have, yet you of all people have it. And it really does suck that I would say that, because I'm in a relationship right now. I really do love him, but the relationship is not exactly what I dream of a relationship to be. I have never met any of his extended family, but he doesn't even have extended family for me to meet, because of some conflict between them. In reality though, I think that I just am really sad with myself. It's not your fault, and it's not mine. I don't miss you, and I am 100% in love with the relationship I'm in. I'm thinking about it more carefully now, and it's not that I'm not happy with my boyfriend. I mean, why wouldn't I be? He loves me in every way I can be loved. He cares about me and never fails to show it. I think the only thing making me unhappy is myself. That's it, I'm unhappy with myself. I'm comparing myself and my life to others and it's hurting me. It's making me unhappy. I must have made up a feeling like I'm missing you as an excuse to be sad, because now I remember even when I was with you, I still felt as though I was not as happy as I was supposed to be. I don't know what to do though. I always have this feeling like I'm missing something. Nothing ever feels like enough to me even though I know full well that everything in my life is actually more than enough. I can't say why, but I always feel so empty, practically numb. Everything feels so unreal, so fake; like a dream. I feel like I'm in some weird annoying and very long dream, and I'll wake up any second now. I want to wake up now. God, please, wake me up now. I'm not tired anymore. I just want to wake up now.
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Reading this wjth 'her' feelings in mind hurts me.
ReplyBut I DO miss you...
Reply