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Mom, I'm sorry but I never wanted this life. You should never have given birth to me. I don't hate you for that and I cherish every happy moment of my life. But I understand that nobody understands (even you) how mentally ill I am. I want to die every single day. But like who fucking cares, if I die. I can kill myself but it is scary. I've believed in good for so long but as I move on with my life, I feel myself being pulled by evil. I am afraid and I am always angry. I have never loved anybody for so long. I hate everyone including myself. But today, I may not kill myself, but I know, in this life, I'll be the bad guy.
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i feel the same. ever since i can remember i have always been left out. i have always been called a loser and ugly. i messed up by telling the only girl i have ever loved this much in my life that i met someone else but now i dont know what i was thinking. i have started to cut myself recently but all that does is just make me get called a freak at school when people look at my arms as im walking. i dont think suicide is not the answer though. it scares me to think about it. i think when we die there is just nothingness. you just sit there and replay your life over and over. and please dont kill yourself. i know its hard but you have to just live with it. im sorry if that sounded bad or anything. i think about suicide every day but its not the right thing to do. and it is okay to be afraid. im scared all the time but after a while it just builds character. i live in a house where my brother hits me and my two dogs. i have a lock on my door but he somehow manages to open it up. my brother also has anger issues and does not get help about it. i think a good way to relieve stress and anger is to hit a punching bag if you have one. another good way is if you have a axe to go outside and cut a few trees down and have a fire. another good way is just to talk about it with your mom. i hope your day gets better. :)
ReplyBad and good are figments of your imagination, friend. I hope you recognize that. You can be bad by thinking "bad" thoughts, but your thoughts are not real. They are illusory thoughts that become "real" to you when you have negative energy running through your body. Becoming "good" is simply crying out your anger, sadness, negative emotion, letting it cleanse your body. You will find that those "negative" thoughts that are running through you will slowly dissipate with time. But you must cry. That is going to cleanse your body. You must cry, I will repeat it one more time. You can be anyone, become anything, but you must find a safe space in your room, or with someone, to cry.
Peace be with you.
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