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PARADISE
Do you remember what the world was like when you were a kid? When everything was so simple. People were just people, sadness was just not getting a toy, goodbye meant see you tomorrow, happiness was just playing at the playground, love was only family in the purest form and everything was just unicorn and rainbows. Where did everything go wrong? See when you grow up everything becomes complex, right and wrong becomes confusing. When you grow up the demons you knew becomes yourself.
It all goes wrong when you start seeing the world for what it really is, your enemy, and your friend. The point where you realize everything is not what it seems, when you try to fight life’s battles alone to be able to get a grasp what’s left of your happiness, openness, freedom, and your free spirit. It all goes wrong when every battle you have encountered makes you strip a part of your own self and that self is left to only become a scar. A scar that will never go away, but you just learn to deal with that scar forever. It gets devastating when you only have a tiny part of your self-left, yet the world is still against you and it still creates battles until you have nothing left but to let it all go. You have nothing to strip down anymore, everything is lost, and everything is gone. We become just lost stars, drifting into a big, vast and cold void of nothingness. We become robots, constantly on a cycle of endless battles with our own demons and a cage of our own thoughts. The sad part is it that you know it would never go away, that it gets harder as you grow older; it becomes the norm, yet harder to fight and sadder to feel.
Fortunately, there are also parts of your life as you grow that makes you happy for a moment. It all goes wrong when happiness becomes just a moment of feeling and happiness has to have its limits because as we all know strong happiness of longevity comes with a price of devastation. A cycle that would never end, when will it ever be okay? Not a happily ever after but only an “okay” will do. You would have this big impulsive emotion when your bottled is all filled up with negativity and sadness, just like this moment as I write this continuous train of feelings and then in just a snap, as days past by, as you fix and piece back everything together again then everything would be okay, everything would be better for a moment. Then you will be looking back to this moment and laugh at yourself for writing such nonsense and negativity.
Then it starts again. Another battle, another scar to acquire another feeling of insecurity that you are not enough, everything is not enough, it is always not enough, you fight these demons while fighting your own demons and self, again and again and again and again. Another battle of seeing disappointed faces in front of you, when all you wanted to do was make this faces including yours proud and smiles, yet it does not. It only becomes yet another moment. When will everything be enough? Could roses bloom again? For a moment. Then we start again, you are left again 6 ft. under, you lost yourself again and you look at this moment, this continuous train of feelings and you cannot laugh at this anymore, you understand and you feel it, an endless cycle. It is insanity. Maybe this article can be a remembrance of this countless cycle and make you constantly strive for a better you and maybe someday be successful, so that you wont have to feel this anymore. Break the cycle because now it is impossible to be happy. You can only either have moment of happiness and sadness, just like lines going up and down or just have this flat line of feelings not happy nor sad, you’re just in the middle. Which suits you best? I am tired. I feel tired again.
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