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You know that I still love you, right?
It's been almost two full years now. It feels like an eternity though. The days feel empty without your presence. You were never really physically there, but you were there regardless. Be it through textmessages or phonecalls. I felt like you were a big part of my life. You were the pillar that was supporting me. One of the pillars anyway. We were good friends. I knew a lot about you and you certainly also knew a lot about me. Yet, we both failed to understand eachother at that point in time and we both failed to mend the pain. I didn't think about your side of the story when I left you. You didn't think about my pain when I reached out to you and you didn't have the time to help me through it. I called you , I texted you , I practically begged you to come help me. I told you I had been really depressed in the past and really struggled to get back on my feet. I told you that I managed to do it and I never wanted to have that feeling again. Knowing all that. Knowing my whole story. You still decided to let me be...? To drown in my own tears. To get torn apart from the inside and to have no one to stitch me back up.
That's not completely true. I had one friend who has been there for years and he managed to catch me. He managed to patch me up. He did it all by himself. That's what people can call a great friend. Someone to rely on. Someone to grab your hand when you fall off the cliff. Someone to reach out to you when life is not what is suppose to be. I had that friend and I'm incredibly happy that he's still here. So, don't come and tell me friendship like that doesn't exist. I know it does. I have seen it with my own two eyes. So, why didn't you?
Where were you when I was experiencing the worst period of my life? I wanted you to patch me up. I did that for you when you were heartbroken. Maybe I couldn't fix all your issues, but I tried my damn best to fix it. Why didn't you?
You left me alone for an entire month. To rot in my own sadness. My eyes swollen because of all the crying, my heart broken from losing my love, my mind shattered from replaying memories. And you didn't think to come save me?
Maybe I was being selfish, you know? Maybe it shouldn't be about just me. Maybe you were dealing with a lot too. You just didn't tell me, because I was broken. You didn't want to burden me , so you just stayed away. But know this my friend, you never were a burden to me. You never will be. I said I still love you right. I will always continue to do so. Even to this day, if you ever decide to come see me, to tell me about your life, to rekindle our friendship, I would gladly accept it and embrace you with open arms. Your absence has made my life empty. I miss you everyday. I lost a gem. Please come back to me.
Was I a bad friend for being selfish at that time? For not thinking about you when I was going through hell? I don't know. In any case, if it means I'l get you back in my life. I'll gladly take that hit. It's way better than the hits life is giving me everyday to remind me of your absence....
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