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I kind of fought with my mom and was pretty upset. Then I could hear her yelling at and arguing with my sisters. So I was kind of upset at her and at me and I was a little confused about whether I was being ungrateful and selfish or whether I actually had a valid point to share and she was really being rude. Stuff like that. And in order to calm down and restore peace, I just ran through a list of ways to kill myself and imagined doing them. I ran down the list several times before my mind started to wander and I was feeling more chill. I stayed on the floor for like an hour before I moved at all to clean up my room.
I don't think I'm actually really suicidal. I mean, I think about killing myself and sometimes I'm just so done with being alive, but I don't think I'd ever actually kill myself. So I don't know.
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In my opinion I think It is good that you found your own unique way of calming down. Also thinking about it doesn’t mean you’re Suicidal and if you know you will never do it than you’re 100% not a suicdal or anyone close to that matter in fact. So keep doing you.
ReplySounds to me that you just aggravated but I know I have thought about sucide but never actually did it just pray pray pray and try calm meditation music it's good for your soul and if you have to realease tears do so it's good for your soul and continue writing it's good for your soul 😘😘😘
ReplyWe have our own ways to calm ourselves but you must be careful because that can be a starting point of being suicidal. I will not tell you to stop it but i will not advise you to continue. Try another way of calming yourself that doesn't involve those thoughts. As long as possible, we should refrain ourselves from those, remember these saying "What we are is a result of what we have thought". it all starts in the brain. Feed your brain with positive thoughts :)
ReplyListen to me. For me I started off just like you. I imagined myself doing it and it calmed me down but I (thought) I knew deep down that I wasn’t going to really do it and that I just could not do it. A few months later I was debating and thinking of killing myself. A few months after that I had planned and decided I will do it, it was a matter of when to do it. A few weeks/months after that was my first suicide attempt. I had one after that but my point is : do not take this lightly at all and don’t trust yourself that you’re not going to do anything because just thinking about this topic and imagining yourself doing it are just the start of the final desicion making of suicide. Suicide isn’t usually something you wake up one day and decide you are definitely going to do, it takes time and suicidal thoughts ( as you are thinking ) before you actually do it. So don’t dismiss these thoughts and feelings as ordinary because they are simply not and anyone who says so are not well experienced with the topic. My advice is speak to someone and I can’t stress that enough, and especially speaking to someone professional and experienced. When I say experienced I DO NOT mean someone who is currently suicidal because, trust me, they will not help. Yes, they will be someone you can relate to and who you can create a bond with but that bond can be dangerous for both of you. If they are suicidal they need someone to speak to because speaking to someone suicidal about your suicidal feelings can be dangerous in the sense that you may get encouraged to do anything to yourself. Take Care and I wish you all the best. (Feel free to talk to me)
ReplyI used to use it as a coping mechanism as well. That was before I actually almost attempted to kill myself. I don't recommend relying on this method. I understand the initial calmness that comes, but it eventually gets more tumultuous.
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