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Hello mother,
It is funny that I have decided to write to you again only this time I have saved myself from the disappointment waiting for a reply that will never come.
I have heard people say mothers are selfless and would do anything for their children I wonder if its the same for you.
I have no doubt in my heart that you love me but I am constantly reminded that I am just an accidental baby. Everytime you tell me you love me I feel as if you are chanting it to make yourself believe. I am sure you wish you had used protection that valentines of 1998.
You have sacrificed everything to make sure I grow up fine how can I forget that when you remind me everday.
Mother the woman you think is your child ain't me. You don't know me and you do not want to know we. You went back to work 2weeks after I was born and left me with maids.
At 7 I was sent to boarding school.
I came back to different men acting as a father figure but soon learnt not to get attached because the next time I came home they would have been replaced.
You always sent me away for the holidays to see some relative I did not care for whilst you travelled the world and bought me toys I could play with for a day or so before I had to go back to those evil nuns.
At 16 you told me you were getting married to a man I had never met just 6 days before the wedding and that we would move to a foreign country away from everything I knew.
We lived with this monster for 10 months. I understand you suffered a miscarriage he was abusive manipulative dumb and controlling. But you never once asked if I was okay you just said this was all for me.
You told me to pack our bags and we left that house not knowing where we going to sleep for the night. You probably don't remember who made sure everything was arranged cause you were too busy crying. I had school to think about but to you me travelling 5 hours to and from school was OK did you even care.
You went for therapy you got help from women's organisations no one cares for me you didn't they didn't I was invisible.
Now we have settled but then again 20years after you make the same mistake you are with child.
You claim this child is for me like everything else in your life but I feel sorry for my brother who is not yet born because I have lived with you.
I feel sad because you are not rich anymore so your love can not be expressed by money. Maybe you will hug and cherish him this time but I know you....
Please take a look at me once see the tears in my eyes. I need a hug. I need you to need me. Tell me you love me. Cause on most days I feel it is better to end it. I am just not brave enough.
Your loving daughter
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