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Isn't there an amount of time, after which we can forget the pain we've felt? I've heard it said that it takes half the time of a relationship to forget the person and move on. Well what of this pain that I feel. How do I explain that the ten years of agony I've felt were paired with only three weeks of time? Notice I said time, but not time together. There really was no time together. There was only time where I was blind. His eyes were on me, and mine on his, but neither of us were seeing. Neither of us were knowing.
Isn't there so much hurt that one can cause that ruins that person for us? Some threshold above which we can't tolerate them any longer? He was only good for three days within the three weeks of togetherness. It only took three days for promises to unravel and shatter. It only took three days for me to see him for who he was. I knew, and still I didn't see.
Isn't there supposed to be healing in finding someone new? I've heard it said that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Well I've gotten under. I've gotten around, and I've even gotten married. And the thought of him still takes my breath away. I know it's wrong, and don't you think I wish it could stop?
Isn't there supposed to be new strength that comes from recovering from a rape? Can I even call it that, when I loved him and I wanted him? I'm not sure if it's consensual when the only reason I consented was due to the promises I made that he immediately broke. I was blind, and now I see. But I still love. And I still love now that the scales have fallen from my eyes, and it's been ten years, what hope do I have to let go?
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Sorry to burst your bubble... People don't love rapist.
You need some major help.
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