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My Unsent Letter
6 months ago · · Stress,
Hey, its crazy to think everything is weird now. Now that you aren't in my life everything seems so grey, so bland. I didn't know talking to you makes my day better, I didn't know the affect your presence had in my life. I should've told you how I felt and I should've done you better. I should have done many things to prove to you I wanted you as much as I did. As much as I still do. Food has lost its taste and I will never know why you make me feel this way. We never truly dated we never truly did anything other then little hook ups. But the connection I had with you is something I never had with anyone else. I can't be mad when I talk to you, when you tell me stories about when you were growing up. I threw it away because I do not know how to love.
Love has never been on my life's to-do list. I never wanted to get married and I never wanted to risk my happiness due to love. And turns out I ended up loving you over the years of getting to know you. I was falling in love and not even realizing it. You deserve better. You deserve a girl that is willing to love unconditionally, one who isn't afraid of loving, one who can prove to you she wants you just as much as she does. One who will not make the same mistakes I did. I am sorry for believing I could change when I wasn't ready. I am sorry if I made you think you made me uncomfortable. I love you, with everything in me. I can rant about you for hours on paper but can't seem to spit out a couple meaningful words to you face to face. I understand if you never want to talk to me again, I understand how confused I made you feel. But because I love you, I can't talk to you. I know it will be good again, and something will happen to where we don't talk again and the same process will keep happening. I need to learn to love, show love, accept love, and love myself. Maybe in time we will come together but for now we learn. I hope one day I get to talk to you and after that day, repeat it for the rest of my life.