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I need some help with some boy advice, which sounds very cliché coming from a female college student such as myself. But anyways, here’s my sticky situation.
During my first semester of college, I met a guy, and we instantly became friends (we’ll call him Derek). I started hanging out him and his roommate, (we’ll call him Scott), and we all became very close. Derek was very flirty with me, so I figured it was just his personality. After all, he was flirty with everyone. I developed a crush, but I knew it was completely physical and would fade. Derek was also very open about the fact that he was involved in open/non-exclusive relationships, and how he really wanted college to just be a fun experience. Which I think is great that he’s open and communicative about it, and good for him! But that’s personally not what I want, which is totally ok too. so my crush sadly faded.
but then, Scott found out i used to have a crush on Derek, to which he decided to admit that he had developed a crush on me. I had to reject him, and unfortunately, it made our friendship awkward. Scott keeps his distance, and Derek then distances himself away from me as well, because of course he has to support his roommate.
Eventually, things sorta go back to normal, but one night, Derek asks me if we can talk. Derek then admits he has feelings for me too. and due to his flirtatious nature, he goes in for the kiss. he immediately regrets it, apologizes, and tells me he hopes he didn’t ruin our friendship. I tell him everything is ok, but i reassure him that we can’t be a couple. And he understands, since he’s hooking up with other people and only looking for that, and he tells me i deserve an amazing love from someone else.
But now, things are awkward, in my opinion. we all hang out rarely, and when we do, Derek makes sure no one but Scott knows, because he doesn’t want his other hookups or friends to know he’s flirty with me. he’s also Scott’s roommate, and while Scott completely came around and became my friend again, he’s still with Derek, so i don’t see him much anymore either. They’ve stopped inviting me to hang out, unless it’s convenient for Derek to flirt with me, and we’re just casual friends that hang out during class.
so i guess here’s my big question; is it worth keeping these guys around as friends? sure, they’re very kind, but they still have so much to figure out. should i just slowly distance myself? is it worth trying to preserve a friendship when they’ve ruined it?
Anything helps, i have no one to talk to about this. they were the only “friends” i made on campus, and i guess they were only interested romantically. but they’re still kind and we hang out in class so what should i do?
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hey there..its ok to cought up in these situations specially in college. coming from a boy myself i know we tend to give out a flirty nature. but the main thing to consider is that where u wanna see urself in future. do u want a stable relationship or a clutter free life. if so then u should distance ur self with these guys since its always gonna hurt someone in ur group. but if u wanna have a fling then u can do whatever u want...do whatever makes u happy without thinking abt others. being selfish sometime is always good. lastly if u dont wanna loose ur guys as friends then u need to have a talk with them. tell them whats on ur mind, what u r worried about, if they are kind and sensible then they will understand what you are going through.
hope this helps a bit.
thank u
ReplyI personally would not stay friends with them. It's become emotionally straining on you.
College is the time to make friends and loose friends, because that's how you discover the friends that not only deserve to be in your life but will only bring you benefits and not pains or strains.
Also I'm not trying to sound anti-man or non-gender binary or something. Try finding female friends. College is scary, and it's comforting to have a female friend around (assuming you're no bi) that cannot cause any intimate attachment from either person.
He is right, you deserve the right man that will love you unconditionally.
I'm 27, and if I could give any advice it is to not worry about men right now. Focus on your school work and future career. This is the time to get ahead of your peers with interships, extra curricular activities, etc! Have fun!
The right man will come, maybe after college and that's okay. You got this ma'am! Be above the petty drama he's bringing.
Replyno not worth the pain if neither of them have the balls
Reply