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Its better to burn out,
2 months ago · · Perspective , · Explicit
Than to fade away. Man I understand it now. I used to love life. I was excited. I was the happiest person you could meet and I'd love someone quicker and harder than anyone I knew just because I had a chance to show someone how I felt inside. I always wanted to make people feel. I loved seeing people laugh and smile. And it broke my heart to see someone cry because I knew from times where I cried in pain and I didn't want people to feel that way. I walked out into my grandfather's back field late one night after a young girl I loved had ghosted me. No contact. I was young and naive but it was the most pain I'd felt emotionally from someone I cared for. I spent so many confused evenings crying in my room after being punished by my parents for some inane reason. As soon as I could listen to secular music I soaked it up because the music made me feel more. Sadness, anger, frustration, happiness, stories and more played out in words to the rhythm of a guitar and the beat of drums. Haunting notes from the piano. I bought metallica's death magnetic album when it came out on CD without my parents permission. I went home and listened to every song. I fell in love with The Day That Never Comes. I watched the music video at school and i wanted to join the military even more. I wanted to go to be a part of something bigger. To meet new people and to wear the marine corps blues and fuck mad bitches and go overseas and get some. I wanted to kill. I wanted to experience every facet of this life. I left the Marine Corps very disenchanted and forever changed. Id made a best friend. Made incredible memories and found love and threw it away. Got married and also hurt on an entirely new level. It was then I began to more rapidly give up on our race. The human race. I nearly committed suicide shortly before I EAS'd. Went to a psych ward. Determined next time id not end up back there. My cry for help showed me a great deal of things. I've managed to create problems and anguish for myself from which I cannot ever fully recover. I will not see 30. I currently have a beautiful girlfriend whom I'm sure cares a very great deal about me even if she cannot fully understand me. That's the most depressing part of life. We use this term, "I know right?" We make friends and find love that we're certain sees us from our own perspective but they cant. How could they? They can only see you based on their reality they've experienced from birth. No one really knows you and could never really fully love you even if they wanted to. Such a sad revelation about life and love. Love is the rationalization of our species driven need to multiply like the virus we are. Maybe some people never make this discovery? Is that how they live a long and happy life? Ignoring imminent death and the truth staring them in the face every day. It's in the faces of every person you see. I didn't ask to be here. All the wonderful things I've experienced and I'm done. The evil, the pain, and sadness I've experienced and caused myself are more than I want to bear. If I die send the bill to the US Gov. They can kiss my ass. Taxes. They'd do anything to keep me a productive member of the machine to maintain revenue. Heck em. I won't do it for a normal lifetime. Not happening bitches. I'll go on my fucking terms from whence I came. No one's here on purpose. We're all doing it for the very first god damned time. Fucking enjoy it and don't read this shit. Well little late for that now. Guess you're fucked if you see my perspective. If not then by all means continue to make the most of your "time". We all die and the universe keeps moving.