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My Unsent Letter - Confessions
5 months ago · abuse, · Explicit
I wish I had the opportunity to talk to my parents. My parents are dead. My dad died of cancer, my mom from a fatal heart infection.
My parents were unusual people. They separated when I was six years old. Both my parents were immature irresponsible brats. They only cared about themselves. I barely mattered in their lives.
Both my parents had numerous trysts and adulterous affairs. My mom was many years younger than my dad. My dad was already married when he started sleeping with my mom. My mom also later married molesting stepfathers.
Both my parents often never came home at night when I lived with them. I was like a wanderer. My mom would most often bring men home for sex. It was uncomfortable hearing my mom moaning and doing things in the bedroom next door. My mom was very unashamed. I eventually moved downstairs to the other end of our house which created its own problems for me. (Men would come in and molest me and have sex with me but no one would know.)
There was this one man who would come over to sleep with my mom. He was like a regular with my mom. It was like a pattern. My mom and him would first sit at our dining room table. They would smoke cigarettes and talk. My mom would light this big ugly candle and turn off all the lights. They'd drink cheap wine or beer together. Eventually they'd get mildly drunk. The two would stagger upstairs. Make their noise....
That man had a daughter who attended my high school. She was really pretty. I really didn't know her at first too well. I mistakenly thought at first she didn't like me. I was completely wrong. I was mostly a loner at school. If I had to associate I hung out with a popular crowd of students at my school, but I was shy and quiet as a mouse. Boys were always asking me out but I always refused. It's complicated. I'd say I was on the fringe, not close to anyone at my school romantically. It's another weird story.
My very nice classmate who would stay with me lived in a different part of town. She had her own school group of friends. They were especially into things like surfing and skateboarding.
The man who always visited my mom assumed I and his skateboard and surfing daughter would be friends. I really didn't want friends. I was being sexually abused almost daily. I feared other teen girls would get hurt from my male adult abusers. I knew if one man especially hurting me saw this girl classmate he would demand me to arrange a threesome or expect me to arrange something. I was already freaked out and on edge bad enough.
I think my mom's man friend brought his daughter mostly so I would be distracted. He apparently hoped my mom and him could go do their "business." Sometimes that actually worked. His surfer daughter and I would leave to go to the park, mall, or swim together. I liked surfing but not skateboarding because I worried about crashing and getting scraped up. We would sometimes go to a nearby beach together. I know I am totally strange.
It started happening especially in the summer when I became a high school senior. My family were the only people on our street without air conditioning. We didn't even have a swamp cooler. Only my mom's bedroom later had that luxury of air conditioning. The problem with air conditioning only in a room is then no one could hear what was happening to me.
This daughter of the man and I would be burning up from the hot summer weather while my mom and this man would be hiding out and doing it in my mom's air conditioned bedroom.
The girl and I would go outside in our backyard. We'd pour water from our backyard garden hose over our heads to keep cool. We'd squirt each other with the water.
It started problems because then we would be wet. With wet clothes or our swimsuits on it would get our carpet, bed mattresses, and couches wet. We both started undressing out of habit. We'd be wet and go inside downstairs into my bedroom where it was cooler. In my bedroom downstairs I could lock my door. My mom only came in when she did laundry. It's like we didn't have to worry because once our parents were in my mom's bedroom they didn't normally ever come out for hours.
It really gets me how one weird thing led to the next. One day both of us were undressed trying to be cool. I was undressed sitting on my bed. This girl was undressed sitting next to me. We started naked wrestling. We started always having these naked wrestling and tickling matches. Eventually things started changing. She reached over and started rubbing me down. It felt nice. I did it back because I was always massaging people. I was known from my abuse for giving incredible massages. It happened a bunch of times with her too. I think being secretly sexually intimate with a girl classmate was my hope to smother out what abusive men were doing to me. I wanted to feel loved too.
I get so pissed how I have so many abuse and strange events in my life. I wish I could ask my parents why they were so irresponsible and stupid.
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