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I've been hurt by many people many times.
One of my friends (who I am still friends with today) used to make fun of me in middle/elementary school. He ended up dating the girl I liked in high school even though he knew. He told me when I moved to another school my old friend group was considering getting rid of me.
My girlfriend had sex with another person. She yelled at me and argued until no end when we fought.
My dad gave me so much emotional abuse. He would constantly make me feel like I didn't know how to do anything. He told me I wouldn't survive out there in the real world. He guilted me by saying I didn't care about him, or the rest of my family.
However, in all these cases, I made myself the victim. I also had a big part in creating the situations that I told myself are the biggest reasons I am bitter and weak today.
My friend picked on me because I let myself become the victim. Anytime something difficult happened I complained and said I didn't have the ability to accomplish it. I never actively pursued the girl I liked in high school. I didn't have any confidence in myself to ask her out, and she took it that I didn't like her back. My friend group wanted to get rid of me because I was behaving like an asshole in high school.
My girlfriend had sex with someone else because I had so badly hurt her during our relationship we broke up and she needed solace from the pain I had caused her. She ended up getting extremely drunk and you could tell she was in shambles for what I had done to her. Many of our arguments I refused to be the bigger person and just wanted to have things my way.
My mom died 4 years prior to my dad dying. She was the one who protected me from the world and made sure I was happy when anything went wrong. I was bullied in school a lot, and she said things to me to make me feel better and gave me excuses for why people acted the way they did toward me. She made me feel as if I could do no wrong.
My dad probably saw this as weakness. Which I now see, it is. I really didn't know how to do anything in high school. My mom had passed away during this time, my grades were slipping, I was getting into more and more trouble with friends, and I neglected my little brother when he needed me. I didn't know how to survive out there in the real world. I thought things would fall into place for me. I had taken so much pain already I thought I deserved a good life from here on out. I did neglect my family. I wanted to be cool, live the life my friends were living because they had such easy lives, no emotional pain or bullying.
I used to think all these things were out of my control. I blamed my terrible actions and behavior on the events that happened to me, when in reality it was how I handled these events that caused me to become who I am today.
I'm not proud of who I have become. I'm a much more bitter and angry person than I had ever wanted to be, and it's disrupting my normal life heavily. The consequences of my self victimization have created more pain in my life than if I had just learned to deal with pain effectively and learn to forgive those who have caused me pain.
I want to take that first step. I have never forgiven any of these people for what they have done, but I think it is time I do. I see the faults in the actions that these people have committed, but I cannot deny my own feelings and actions that have caused more damage than any other person's doing.
I need to forgive. For my own sake. I start today and I don't know how long it will take for me to recover from my current state, but I'm tired of blaming how I am on others. I need to take responsibility for my actions and reactions to the things that have happened to me.
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Think you need to forgive yourself.
Your surroundings do play a huge part in your life and do effect you in many ways, but you can change that if you want to by not allowing it to control you. Although, it's not going to be easy to change. It's basically life's way of saying you need to fix yourself from all the things that broke you to begin with. Not everything is your fault and you're only responsible for what you do, not for what others do to you.
To be honest to each their own. I have my limits to what I will forgive and not forgive, simple as that. I will never again justify people's screwed up behaviors towards me and have sympathy for them when they do their mistreatment on purpose. They don't even have remorse for any wrong doings,won't even own up to it and be honest, they get away with it. I have given plenty of chances to people and as you've done, I have always blamed myself for how people treated me but not anymore. Big difference between unintentionally and intentionally hurting others.Wish you the best in this. Not easy to repair yourself from all the things people have done to pick you apart in the first place.
Nobody want to be blamed,of course. Doesn't make you a victim for expressing your pain and burdens. You can decide to not allow it to consume you and make you a victim forever by it. You can adapt to the world as much as you want. The world isn't going to change and be a better place either way...
You can only change your life, decide what you want and don't want in it.
All the best to you.
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