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The man who hurt me
6 days ago · · Remembering, · Explicit
He wasn't my playmate when I was 4.
He wasn't my first crush when I was in fifth grade.
He wasn't my first love when I was 14.
He was my dad.
I saw this post on facebook, and all I could ever think about is my father. The picture was a girl hugging her father with a phrase on it. The picture says, "Girls love their father so much because there is atleast one man in the world that will never hurt him" - well I think there'd be one man out there who will never hurt me but that's not my father.
My father was a cheater. He cheated on my mom, he cheated on us. Did he do it only once? No, he did it three times. First when I was 6-7 years old. The second time was on my 12 years of age. The third, I was 19 (I'm on my 19th).
I ache for my mother. I ache for my sisters. I ache for myself.
Did I already forgive him? I don't. I just fucking don't know. I couldn't seem to forget what he did to us. I carry the pain all the time. For instance, my friends and I were hanging out and were watching a movie- one character was a mistress, then I started talking about how much I despise cheaters, how much I hate the guts of all the mistresses- do they do it for love?; did they do it just for love?; I don't care though. I hope they know that a child, a mother, a woman is crying for what you're doing/you did. I hope all the cheaters know that they ruined someone somehow. I carry the memories. It is hard for me to trust someone easily. I would never be a mistress and let a man be on my life for the second time if he ever cheats on me. I would nit torture my self further if I learned my man cheated on me because I really think if a person loves you or really like you they will never look for another man/woman.
I love you dad yet you hurt me/us. It's still all I can think of sometimes.