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You think when you are in a relationship with someone for a year you think you really know that person inside and out
I know a year isn’t extremely long or anything
But damn it feels like it
You were so blinded by that sweet perfect love you thought you shared that love that you thought was oh so special
That love that made you smile, laugh, cry
That love that you thought was invincible
The love you thought could never fall apart
But no you were blinded by it’s manipulative traits
That love was a hypocrite
That love made you believe you were all the bad things and made you feel bad about yourself where you would stay lying awake at night crying screaming for help
That love made you question yourself
You thought you were a respected and loved young woman
That love made you think you had rules to follow to be an A grade
Made you believe you can be this innocent creature
Every single day of this long dreadful year in your head you made sure you pleased him and you made sure he was happy and you thought you were good enough
He was always pissed about something you did wrong,
You are not enough god damnet what don’t you understand?
You are trash in the middle of a great big city in the dark alley way
How can you possibly make a mistake you’re a human?
I would start to vent and release my emotions he would tell me to be quiet
He would be on his phone not listening to me
So quick to shut me out but oh hey look at this!
You think I really care to see what is on the damn tv screen the damn phone screen when right now I want to die?
Oh but you don’t want to see what’s in my head
That doesn’t exist in your perfect world
My feelings are quite irrelevant
As long as I look appealing and you are able to relieve your tension out on me then it’s okay for me to speak right?
my mental health is horrible
Im barley hanging on and you want me to stop what im thinking to remind you I’m here to serve you, my king
You have a million of fantasies and I’m not in any of them
What the hell are you doing with me
You are draining my soul you are spreading darkness over my lighted body
You are killing me and drowning me in the deepest darkest waters and god help me I am running out of breath
im not perfect either
I have forgave myself many times for things I did wrong
But every chance you get you bring the demons to the surface and watch me suffer all over again
It is torture
It’s not love
This love I talk about
That perfect love in a perfect world that only exists in my head
This love is a reflection of how you feel about yourself
This love you project is full of monsters and leeches sucking the light out of anything that appears bright
This love is a horror film
I wish the love I gave you brought peace to your dark horrors
I am so sorry I couldn’t help you
But I am so sorry all I ever was
All I ever am
An empty vessel with a vagina
There are no feelings left expect pain and hate
You have left me here to die and rot
You built me up just to break me down
And you won
My king, at least your happy right?
Now I am left here, all alone in the dark
And god damnet I don’t know how much longer I can survive
But I know damn well without you I will slowly shine again
I will blossom into the beautiful soul that I once was
I will overcome this dark place
I will be free
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Replyyou indeed will overcome it, i promise
ReplyThank you
I hope so
Hope is all I have left I guess
Reply