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i cant help but wonder if i'll ever be happy. im tired of the constant torrent of anguish that surrounds me, envelops me. the murky darkness that hangs over my head and clouds my days. i am lonely. i dont really have any friends, which seems so totally pathetic to me. im in college, granted im a freshman, but i thought this was supposed to be the best time of my life, that somehow it would snap me out of my sadness, that id see the light and be happy. for once in my life id be fucking me. i have demons all around me. i tried therapy, i tried pills, cutting was a daily part of my life for years, a comforting ritual, thankfully one ive managed to leave behind. im just a waste of space, everyones last resort when they have no one else to talk to. i poison everyone with my darkness, see it leeching from my eyes into theirs. im tired of tiring people with my sadness and negativity. im a disappoint. somehow ive lost my ability to cry recently, im somehow numb yet a swirling rage of emotion all the same. im just waiting for the day that i will inevitably fuck up my life and everyone leaves me maybe then i'll have the motivation to end it all.
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whoever you are, wherever you are- you are not alone. The emotions you are feeling do not make you a bad person. I know the drought of darkness you are in and how heavy everything feels. Your mental illness isnt you- its only a part of you. You can always message me to talk. sending all my love to you wherever you are. - betteroffblue
Replyyou are not alone and you are worth it. <3
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