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I'm going through something and I need opinions/help! Ok so I have this guy that I've been close friends with for a few months now. We have classes together, and we text a lot outside of school. I realized pretty soon after I met him that I had a crush on him, and now it's developed into real feelings. I've never been sure if he felt the same way. We're both kinda awkward and shy so everythings even harder to tell. He treats me differently than all of his friends- more considerate, more gentleman like... a couple of his friends have even noticed this. We've been on a couple "dates" (that is, we hung out without it being called a date but it felt like a date tbh). I've gotten mixed signals because as I said he does act differently around me (in a good way) and I can tell he really cares. But I'm also the one to initiate probably 80% of out of school conversations. Yet hes always completely into the conversations, we'll talk for hours... and at school he initiates a lot of conversation.
However yesterday I was talking to one of his best friends and she told me that he said hes interested in me, but he doesn't feel like he's good enough for me. Says it's because he's done bad things in his past. I'm not sure what his past is, although i know its not drugs or alcohol. I know he had a bad relationship (pretty sure it ended about a year ago) but i dont know any of the details. It was before he moved here. I'm a really kind,notably "innocent" person so I feel like when he said this he was meaning it in that regard, like that he's scared of changing who I am. Is that a good thing? Bad thing? I mean because that might mean he thinks highly of me.He's truly the most caring person I've ever met, and I know he's past whatever his history was. Also, a few weeks ago one of his (and my) friends mentioned to him about dating me and he said he wasn't looking for anything at the moment. She also asked him a few days after that why he won't just date me, saying that I wouldn't be like his past girlfriends and he said he knew that but just wasn't ready for a relationship yet. At first i took this as a casual rejection, but now after what I just found out I'm not sure it was a rejection, but rather a recognition that he wasn't mentally ready for one at the time.
Anyways, if any of you have advice on how to handle this...Should I tell him my feelings, now that I know he's "interested"? Wait it out a little? What do you think he means by all this? Any advice would be much appreciated. Im deep in the friendzone and i need to get out lol. I'm falling for this guy and I really really just feel like coming out with it all and letting him know how I feel. Heck, I'm ready to just kiss him, but I don't think I could just do that....
btw for reference we are both seniors in highschool
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It's hard to tell, but I don't think you're quite in the 'friendzone'- I think he may just not be ready, as he said. You may have less time together, because you're HS seniors about to leave for college, but I'd suggest waiting it out, until he is more comfortable maybe. Or just tell him, and state that you don't expect anything. That way he isn't pressured, and if he does return the feelings but is just shy, he can gain the confidence to do so.
ReplyThank you, I agree... I know it is inconvenient timing. We will be 2 hours apart at our colleges. But I do think theres something there. He may not just be ready. I just have to decide when to tell him....
ReplyOk, Imma be honest, I have had no experience really in romance, but Im just gonna give you some advice anyway (feel free to ignore it).
To me, it sounds like you aren't in the friendzone, and he does want to date you, but he's worried about hurting you. If I was you, I'd try and say that you like him as well but if he didn't feel ready for a relationship, then that's fine, and there's no rush and stuff. That way, he knows that you feel the same, but doesn't feel forced to commit to anything he doesn't think he's ready for.
Hope this is helpful :)
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