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I don’t understand life.
This is the only thing I can do to restrain from cutting right now.
All my counselors are only school ones. I barely see them because of all the snow days. I’m only 10. I shouldn’t be thinking these thoughts. Asking for help. It’s too hard. But this is easy. This is asking for help. It’s so much harder with real people. Maybe this is all an act. Maybe I don’t actually feel these emotions. Maybe I just want attention. That’s what all my teachers seem to think. I cry over spilled milk as they say. My crush probably thinks I’m a mentally ill lunatic. I probably am. I’m gonna ask myself what I’m feeling. I think hopelesss. Nobody acts like they care. Probably because I’m the person who isolated herself. I’m the one “who bottles it all up”. nobody should trust me. I’m a theif. One who’s dumb too. I don’t know what’s wrong. I stole a slushee from a classmate at lunch. My punishment was eating alone and reflect. I would have went and gotten a spork if I had the opportunity. I had no reason but to punish myself. I’m scared of her. She wants something from me. Or I want something from her. I don’t know. I think I heard screaming outside. Bundled up in a blanket. Am I safe? No probably not. Who knows. nobody. Ive tried to become faithful. Have god help me. He ISNT REAL. IF HE IS HE CERTAINLY DOESNT CARE ABOUT ME. so who can I talk to? Apparently what I end up doing is venting into a computer... I wish I didn’t wake up in the morning. But not really. I don’t want to lose my life. I just want to be happy. But I don’t deserve to. I don’t deserve to die and stop suffering though. I’m not punished well enough. I hate myself. Please please please. I just want to be forgiven. By myself.
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