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I want you to know I've been experimenting with a long soft white approximately 1/2" thick sailor's rope on my bed.
I always get naked first.
It's totally kinky.
Sick.
I'm sure you remember that day when I was fifteen years old.
You taught me.
Yesterday I was too uncomfortable to tell my therapist my thoughts.
I was too embarrassed to say what I planned to do with my secretly purchased rope.
My therapist thinks I'm this smart attractive easy going person. I'm usually almost always smiling in our sessions. She likes to see me happy, so I obey.
Inside my soul I am a completely opposite person.
My therapist commented yesterday how she loved seeing me in my little shorts and exercise top. I always park my mountain bicycle for our therapy appointments in her outer office.
They sold to me the rope I secretly experiment with at home at The Home Depot hardware store. The store is just a half mile from my family's home. I bought a couple of other items at the same time. I didn't want to appear too kinky or obvious.
The Home Depot cashier didn't even seemed alarmed when I bought the rope. Lots of females must apparently buy soft rope.
But back to you....
I remember how that day when I was still a sophomore. You had me take off all my clothes.
I stood nude in front of you.
I was your fantasy, my soft creamy tanned skin, my trim athletic small slender body, my green eyes, my long sun-mixed naturally gold and brunette hair. You said you liked my smile and pretty face. My adolescent body was barely developed.
You squeezed and kissed my tits before putting my nervous nipples individually in your mouth.
I felt your tongue and teeth gently arouse my excited nipples.
Eventually your mouth and tongue went lower, between my legs. I felt your whiskers from your unshaven face.
I felt helpless standing naked in your bedroom.
I tried to figure out what was emotionally with you. You were old enough to be dating my older university-attending sisters. It was useless to figure out your mind. I said to myself you were just another guy who loved pussy. Mine.
The most frightening was when you tied my hands together. You used that 1/2" thick white rope, the same kind of sailor's rope I also recently bought.
In your bedroom that afternoon I knew I was in trouble. I was surprised because the rope you used felt soft as you lashed the rope around my wrists.
I stood silently for you in complete obedience.
I didn't know what to say.
I didn't know at the time what you were doing.
I remember I imagined how silly I must have looked standing naked in your bedroom with rope tied around my wrists and neck. None of my high school classmates would probably ever even consider doing that. But I am such a perfect victim.
Next you lashed me still nude with my wrists tied to one of the two footboard pillars of your big bed.
I couldn't escape what you wanted.
You slowly spread K-Y jelly cream between my legs.
I knew exactly what you were planning to do.
I spread my legs apart further for you to make it easier.
I nervously held my breath as you gently entered me. I even arched my round athletic adolescent butt toward you. I guess I was considered experienced in these kinds of girly things compared to most girls. I was first sexually abused by a teacher in preschool.
I still don't know why but I always hold my breath when guys enter me. It was the exact opposite from what I'd been instructed to do. I think it was because by then I was actually used to males and females hurting me.
You began to excitedly rhythmically thrust yourself into me. Pump. You only commented very briefly. I remember you mostly gasped a lot. Kind of like what others usually did. I took in your excitement. I tried to obediently meet your thrusts.
You didn't say a word.
I tried to stay silent too.
That was what I was taught to do.
But after a long time the feelings of pleasure began to slowly envelope my body. You kept sexually teasing and touching me. You held my boobs and softly circled and played with my clit with your fingers. I remember I was very wet for some reason, very very wet and aroused that day.
You apparently knew your ways in how to pleasure a teen girl. Your fingers teased me. I moved my body to meet your fingers and my desires.
I couldn't help it.
I at first tried not to.
I eventually had a giant unstoppable orgasm while still suspended from my tied arms and hands.
I hung by my wrists as my body spasmed in feelings of uncontrollable pleasure. I remember I even moaned ecstatically in joy. I honestly couldn't help it.
You told me to stand back up.
I tried to push myself up from the delicious feelings for your cock still in my pussy. I was consumed in adolescent pleasure.
You later untied me from the post, but kept my wrists still bound. I staggered over and rolled helplessly on your bed. The feelings I'd just experienced were still going on in my teen body. I felt like I was going crazy. I had had orgasms beginning at around age four every day, but nothing like these orgasms. I always thought of myself as an ordinary American teenager, not some secret whore for sexual passion and obsession.
You had me rest on my back on your bed. I needed time to recover. Eventually you went down with your mouth and tongue and did oral sex on me.
I went crazy with pleasure.
Of course, that's not supposed to happen to a 15 year old either.
I felt consumed in guilt.
Again.
I couldn't stop having orgasms. I remember I cried, and covered my eyes in embarrassment. I didn't normally even orgasm like that and so much when I masturbated alone by myself.
Then you had me do oral sex on you. I cried. My wrists were still tied. I remember by then my wrists began to hurt. I asked you to stop. I asked you again and again.
You said we weren't done.
I sucked until I captured your love juices in my mouth.
I felt defeated.
Destroyed.
It's not what I expected to happen.
I was your prisoner.
I still remember that afternoon you raped me. That's what it's legally called what you did.
I am currently California, USA sheriff department case number 18-XXXXXX.
The detectives several weeks ago decided to not go after you.
They never told me directly, but I was told by another cop that there wasn't enough evidence a crime was committed.
You actually got away with your crimes.
Soon I will use my own white rope I bought at my local hardware store. No one in my family will ever know it was you who taught me how to use soft sailor rope to hang myself.
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Darling, please don't do this.
What happened to you is awful, I know, and I understand your pain. But believe me, there's someone out there who cares, I care, plenty of people on this page care. We love you. No one deserves this.
If you are searching for any kind of sign for you to decide, take my note now. I never met you, but I care. I love you. I don't want you to go. I want you to stay. The only one who should be punished for these actions is the one who damaged you before. Fate finds those who suffer and who made others suffer.
All in all, darling, please just think of this. You are never alone. The fact that you survived all of your dark days, you survived that very dark day, and you had the strength to write this out from yourself is incredible. You have incredible powers, darling, and I'm proud of you. I know you will find your way back.
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