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I Went To A Mental Hospital (I am suicidal, but getting help)
6 months ago · · Suicide, · Explicit
Last night, my friend told me something that iced the cake of my misery. She told me that I am crazy; she doesn't trust me. My parents are divorced and my mom has full custody, but I have visitation with my dad every other weekend. When my mom drinks, her personality changes and she mostly verbally abuses me. Child protective services was involved at some point, but I am assuming the case is now closed because no worker has visited my house in about 2 months. I feel no one truly understands me. Whenever I feel like my parents aren't good people to talk to, I try to talk to my friends, but they look at me like I am crazy. Anyway, I cut myself once or twice 2 years ago, but I have felt on and off suicidal feelings for about a year. I am using the term suicidal feelings instead of tendencies or thoughts because I don't have a plan or would never follow through. I just want to be in a world away from everything that causes me everyday pain. Anyway, I texted my friend who emotionally sucked the last amount of life out of me that "I want to die, I want to be dead." She reported me because a few minutes after 7 police officers came to my door and said they got a report that I said I am suicidal. Anyway, my mom was being annoying and crying a little even though she doesn't truly care. They took me away in a ambulance and my mom would meet me at the mental hospital. When I arrived at the hospital there were a lot of freaky people there. I know I am now a freak like them. They took my clothes and everything in my pockets and told me to get into a gown and their hospital socks. I sat on my "death bed" and different doctors were repetitively asking me if I was gonna hurt myself or anyone else. They took my vitals like 4 times and my mom arrived. She acted like it wasn't a big deal. And she wasn't trying to put on an act to be strong for me, she just generally doesn't take me seriously in any situation. Note that I have told her multiple times in the past that I want to die, but she never did ANYTHING about it. Anyway, I got into the hospital at around 7 o'clock and got released at around midnight. They did ask me if I wanted to stay overnight and I did, but I answered "no thanks" because I didn't want to disappoint my mom. Anyway I am home and I still don't fucking like my life at all. I don't want my friends or anyone in my life at the moment. I just wanna try to process how fucked up my life is. I still wanna die. I just hope something else kills me like an illness or something. But, I know I gotta stay here. :( I just wanna be in a world where people understand and listen to me.