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Dear Dad,
I’m sorry I was such a brat, I’m sorry I wasn’t a good daughter and that I told you I hated you so often. I’m sorry you sacrificed so much for me not once did I ever say thank you. I’m sorry I used to push you away when alll you ever did was try to show how much you loved me. I’m sorry I didn’t realize how much of an amazing parent you were. I’m sorry the last thing I said to you was that I hate you, it was a joke and I was a dumb kid but you’ll never know that. I’m sorry I blamed you for what’s happened to be even though you weren’t even here to see it. I’m sorry I’ve grown up to be such a disappointment to the family, that I can’t do anything for myself and that I never even finished school when you so badly wanted me to follow my dream of being a lawyer. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you to stop playing with that gun in time and I’m sorry you had to leave this world like that. I’m sorry I can’t barely even function and that I don’t take care or myself or the kids like I know you’d want me to. I’m so sorry I couldn’t save you. Tony sent me a bunch of family photos he found, a lot of them had you in it. You looked so happy with mom and all of us. Now we’re all so broken without you, Mom left and now I lock myself in my bedroom all day. I’m sorry I’m not living, that I’m wasting away. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the daughter you dreamed of. I’m in bed now, crying. I went years without telling anyone how hurt I was to not have you around anymore. Even though I was the biggest bitch as a child I still loved you so much, you were my best friend but I didn’t want you to know that. You were the only parent that actually cared about us, mom was so depressed that she couldn’t do anything when we were children. You’d spend all day working and still come home to cook and clean for your family and not once did you ever complain. I hear people talk about how much they hate their parents of wish they’d die. I remember saying that to you, that I wish you’d die. God I was so stupid, sometimes I think that if I were a better child would that have changed anything. Would you still be gone? I still remember my last day with you, you walked me to my bus stop and let me wear your jacket. You danced in the middle of road and sang some dumb Katy Perry song because I was having a bad morning and you wanted to make me laugh. I came home from school and you were helping me with my homework, mom was making meatloaf which to this day I still will not eat because of what happened that night. You went outside to see if the gun you had would work, you aimed it at the ground and shot 20 times and nothing came out. You came back inside, unloaded the gun and made some stupid suicide joke before playfully putting it to your head. You didn’t know a bullet was lodged in there of that the spring was out of place, you didn’t know what we were gonna witness that. I can’t forget about it, it haunts me. After you died a couple days later in the hospital mom said we should go get a few of our things from the house, we hadn’t been back since the accident. I remember opening my backpack and seeing your jacket in there, I forgot to give it back. It smelled like you and I just hugged it and cried hoping mom wouldn’t see me. I would hear her crying in the room going through your clothes, it broke me. The Croods had come out earlier that year, I remember we all planned on watching it together. Mom got it on redbox hoping it’d cheer us up. The dad in the movie reminds me of you so much I still cant watch it without breaking down. God I miss you so much more than you could imagine, I still can’t believe you’re gone fuck I wish you weren’t. I need you here, I’m almost 19 and I’ve dropped out, I don’t know what I’m going to do with my life and I cry daily. I’m nothing but a big baby now, I didn’t realize how much I needed you. I’m sorry Dad, I really am. I love you.
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