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I'm so confused. I'm supposed to be this perfect kid that gets good grades and does everything she is told. And I'm supposed to go to college and get an amazing job and change the world. Then I'm supposed to get married, have kids, and settle.
I am that kid. I'm smart and yeah, maybe I have potential. But a big future isn't what I want. Everyone looks up to me because they think I've got it all together but just two days ago, I went to the bathroom multiple times to make sure people didn't see me cry, and then that same day I finally snapped and I had an anxiety attack in the middle of a biology test. It shouldn't have to be this difficult. I shouldn't have to try so hard to make sure my face isn't puffy and red when I walk out of the bathroom. I shouldn't have this urge to please everyone. All this stress isn't healthy.
It seems kind of selfish. To not go out there and be a doctor or something. To not turn the potential I have into something that can save lives. But currently, I'm just trying to save my life. Suicidal thoughts cross my mind way more than they should and I've come close to killing myself before.
I always wonder about what exactly is stopping me from jumping. And every time, I imagine my future, living in Barcelona. I wake up, make some coffee, and take my dog for a walk. And then I go to my job, probably a stripper or something (don't hate on me, it's just that using my body to make some money doesn't bother me like it bothers most people). Then I'll come home from my job, play some saxophone, and then just read a book and go to sleep. That's all I need. It's a nice life. I make good money. And most of all, I'm content.
I'm not perfect. People need to start realizing I am just human. I have many struggles. And I need to stop trying to please everyone. The only person I should be trying to please is myself.
So yeah, fuck it. Imma be a stripper in Barcelona.
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I LOOOOOOVE This!!!!
ReplyTechniques to dance on a pole takes skills but looks like fun to dance.
ReplyGuy
ReplyI understand. Felt the same way. And, did the same thing. Just fuck it
ReplyIs it a nice life?
ReplyJust do what makes you happy. But make sure it will not harm you or anyone in anyway.
Yes, I finally, didn't live up to their expectations. I stopped being stressed, I feel more light now. If you want, continue doing your best, but do it for yourself and not anyone else. Don't pressure yourself. The most important thing, is that you'll be happy. Hope this helped. I'm still young as well 😂
ReplyIt really did thank you
ReplyI'm glad it did. You're welcome ^^
Reply