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My Unsent Letter
5 months ago · · Love,
I met up with a couple of friends yesterday.
I told my friends about a neat store I had heard about. We walked to a used woman's clothes and accessories fashion boutique. It's a store for females run by a volunteer domestic violence and rape crises center. I felt sad a center trying to help raped and abused people was trying to sell items for 50 cents or a few dollars to raise money. I felt worse because I saw stuff I liked but don't have the money to be buying things. Of the three of us, none of us bought anything, so we left.
Then my friends wanted to get a dessert. I am not into sweets but ate a cupcake anyway to be nice. I'd wish I could have just starved and donated my cupcake cost to the rape center begging for money.
My friends I was with yesterday don't really know what it's like to struggle. They can afford to go to any university in the world. I didn't have their wealthy upbringing. I was even prostituted as a teen.
One girl I was with yesterday told me she threw away in the trash her high school yearbooks. It made me sad hearing that yesterday. As a teen I never had school yearbooks. I have no way now to even see the faces of classmates. It makes me feel so alone knowing while my schoolmates were having fun in school I was being raped, beaten, and abused. High school wasn't a fun time for me, but I know it is my life. I wish I had yearbooks to at least know the fun things my friends did, that I could feel happy they were happy.
Then on the way home a panhandler on a city street stopped us. He offered to play a song on his harmonica for one dollar. My friends kept walking, ignoring the elderly man. I told the man if he needed food there was a food pantry and homeless shelter that served hot meals nearby. The man said he knew about the food bank and homeless shelter, but wanted to be independent. I told the man I'd give him a dollar but I'm in a rather difficult financial position. I felt like a liar, having just wasted some little money I had on a cupcake I didn't even want to buy or eat. I could have given my cupcake to this man in need.
When I caught up to my friends who had continued walking, one of my friends was very angry at me. She complained saying I shouldn't be talking to a homeless man asking for money. By stopping and talking to him it encourages him to keep begging people for money.
I felt even more sad.
I had lived homeless myself.
My friends I was with yesterday I realize don't know how the world really works.