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Nightmares of Daydreams
2 months ago · · Relationships, · Explicit
It's been years now, yet you forgot a piece of yourself in my head when you left. Since that day, that tiny piece of you has managed to embed itself deep into my daily thought process. I try to block it out as it carelessly whispers about our time spent together, but it always wins. I regularly catch myself lost in unhealthy thoughts of you coming back into my life, which then leads to another trip down memory lane of every fucking memory about you that's ever made me happy. The pleasantness that usually accompanies those memories has turned to resentfulness over time. The resentfulness brings me back to thoughts of your return, and how I would finally tell you everything I wish I could every day. Thus, the vicious cycle of wishful thinking and regret continues on. It became so bad I didn't even want to sleep because most nights that's where you would make your appearance. The dreams were pleasant at first because it was like you never left, but they soon became a constant reminder of how things are different now. At first, I tried drinking the remaining price of you away, but as my alcohol tolerance increased, the task of drowning you out became more difficult. I found smoking to be more efficient. For years I've hid behind a cloud of smoke pretending I was fixed, but as the highs became more prevalent, the lows became more painful. Still, I kept at it because it took away the dream aspect. I figured i could push you out of my mind if i would stop seeing you while I slept. Unfortunately, life happens and sometimes you have to stop smoking. It's no issue except for the return of the dreams, and trust me they've returned with vengeance. Everything is so much more intense and vivid, making it much harder when you make your appearance. Last night everything felt so real. I finally, once again felt the joy your presence brought me. Although for a short time I felt joy, the depression that followed when i woke showed the true nature of this dream. Surely, it was a nightmare disguised as the fairytales and daydreams that run through my mind on the regular. This isnt sone kind of sob story to say how I want you back or how much I've changed. This is just the mess of a guy you left behind begging for you to come pick up the piece of yourself you left behind. I'm tired of pretending everything's fine.