What are you looking for?
I’m just done
2 months ago · · Stress, · Explicit
I’m on the brink of suicide. I can’t handle being overwhelmed by stress constantly. I can’t handle being criticized and being told I’m not good enough or I’m lazy even though I try my hardest to do what I have to do. I’m tired of being told my anxiety and ptsd aren’t real, that I’m lying. Because I told totally didn’t go through years of abuse and trauma, because that totally doesn’t kill me to this day. I wouldn’t give two fucks if it was some random I didn’t know but the fact that it comes from my own grandpa, a man that knows exactly what I was forced to experience bothers me. I’m sorry I’m not like my sister, I’m sorry I’m not picture fucking perfect. I’m sorry I’m not 90 lbs like her, the fact that you tell me how beautiful it is for someone to be able to wrap their fingers around their waist entirely hurts me. You know I have battled anorexia and bulimia and I know you encouraged that but fuck let me live please. I know you were proud of me when all I did was lose weight and workout until I passed out. I know you hate me because of this fat fucking mess I’ve become. I try to purge and fast but it doesn’t work anymore, I still gain weight because of my meds. You make me hate my sister for being so perfect and skinny and beautiful, everything I’m not. I want to love her but I can’t when all I see is everything you want me to be and I can’t. I’m not smart like her, I can’t be the perfect person I just I can’t. All you do is compare me to her and it tears me apart. You know about my suicidal past yet you still tell me how much of a fat, lazy disappointed I am. How Id be so much better and so much prettier if I just lost a little more weight. I hate myself so much because of you. Ever since I was 10 you’d tell me how ugly and fat I am. You wonder why I don’t leave the house, I cant handle other judging eyes I just can’t. God I just want to die. You wouldn’t have to worry about how imperfect I am then.