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I can’t breathe. I have so much going on and I just can’t do it. All my friends have mental disorders and they call me the only sane one except I think I might have ocd. Obvisouly I don’t wanna self diagnose but I have reciting harmful and dangerous thought not only to myself but also others. I also can’t work if everything in my room isn’t exactly a certain way and when I’m in class or trying to sleep I can’t stop thinking about something that I know is stupid like something that happened five years ago and it’ll keep me up for hours. I rarely get enough sleep cause my mind won’t shut off but I can’t tell my parents. My sister was diagnosed with clinical depression and I can’t have ocd or they’ll think they have failed as parents and trust me I know this for a fact. I want to tell them because my grades have been impacted and they constantly get into discussions with me about how I’m no longer a straight A student. Me mom is on so many medications for her depression and anxiety which she thinks I don’t know and my dad said it’s impossible for me to have anxiety or any other problems. I think I’ve had anxiety attakc before but I don’t think I have anxiety sometimes I’m in my room and I run out of the hosue because I feel like I’m dying for no particular reason or sometimes I’m in class and I I feel like I stop breathing but I can’t do anyhting so I just pretend everything is fine. Honestly I just want to actually sleep or have my mind shut off because it’s so straining and I’m so tired. Also I just can’t deal with high school anymore and I just want to go to college or just get away from this town because I feel trapped and everyday everyone thinks I’m the most energetic person ever but everyday I’m here I feel like I’m dying. And I know that sounds so cliche but I just can’t deal with everything anymore. And now I have to worry about colleges and take the STA and I know I’m just gonna constantly be disappointed and I have friends but I fell like I can’t talk to them because I feel ashamed so no one knows what I go through. The only friends I talk about this stuff kind of lives across the world and I just want to cry but I hate crying cause it’s not a thing I do and it makes me feel weak. I’m really sorry
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