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2 months ago · · Stress, · Explicit
It hurts me to see her in so much pain I know it is one moment in time for her and I but in the moment it feels like the end of the world
Watching my day grieve a relationship at 15 is scary and it puts in me a fear that she could become so distraught that she could choose to give up.
Since my sister killed herself two years ago it’s been a fear but really it was before that...my daughter had been a cutter. I always fear in my mind that one day her emotions will overload and I’ll be left alone.
And that’s my biggest fear. Each day she grows older I know it also draws closer (my being alone) but I’d rather be in a world with her than alone in it without her.
Tonight I talked to her for an hour and then laid beside her and stroked her hair til the crying ceased and I know I actually didn’t do anything to help her but hope being there for her will be enough. Like I wish I could’ve done for my sister.
Sometimes I really want to give up but even when I wanna veer my car into the median I think of the pain I’d cause because I’ve been through the pain of losing someone who chose to leave twice now. My father and sister both battling demons and gone too soon. Sometimes I hate this life and all I want is to walk in someone else’s shoes but I also don’t know anyone else’s struggle and know that next pair of shoes could’ve been through more shit than my own.