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My mom tried to kill me...
1 week ago · · Stress,
On the 7th of January, my mom tried to kill me. She repeatedly said that she was going to. First she tried to force feed me pills, pulling my hair back and trying to shove them into my mouth, but I resisted with my hands. By then I still thought that she was REALLY trying to make it look like I was killing myself, but then she took out her belt. She made it into a garrote like structure and while she did so, she continuously said how the gun would've took me out faster and that she should've gotten that instead. At that moment I ran out the door without shoes, thinking that they would've just slowed me down.
I was fairly familiar of the woods which surrounded the house because I played there with my neighbors as a kid (though I'm unable to do that anymore). I ran faster than I ever had before, I was worried that I would have an asthma attack, but my body seemed to have ignored my asthma completely. All the way into the part of the woods where I hid, my legs just kept moving at a speed I've never ran before. When I got to my destination, I wept and cried my eyes out, wailing into the trees so loudly I was afraid mom was going to hear me. My socks got soiled and my feet were freezing so I had to take my socks off to warm my feet with my hands. About 15 minutes in, I tried heading towards the house, but I could hear mom screaming my name saying how she knew I was out there. Of course I went back to where I was.
I hid in there for an hour until I was absolutely sure my dad was home. With my dad there, I knew mom wouldn't try anything to hurt me. I struggled my way back to the bridge and sat there... My feet were too cold and it hurt too much to walk. A guy came by and saw me holding my bare feet and asked if I was okay. Of course I said I was and he headed on his way. I sat on the bridge for a while until my dad came by with Roman. At first I could walk little ways, but I had to take breaks to warm up my feet. It was getting darker after all and thus colder. Dad persisted on carrying me and so that's what happened for much of the way to the car. Felt so friggen stupid... it's darn shameful to be carried around or at least it felt like that to me.
My dad took me to Walmart to buy me some socks and then went to a restaurant to talk and eat warm food. I doubted he would believe me when I said what mom tried to do, but eventually I got it out of myself. She always prone to beating me and telling me to commit suicide before that, but he never was really there to see it. Why did she try to KILL me though? Well, beforehand I found my sister's old phone and decided to use it... I talked to my boyfriend everyday on it and when she found out, she threw a fit. The reason why she wanted to kill me though is because I didn't tell her the passcode to it. I didn't send anything inappropriate or anything, I just wanted whatever was between us to stay between me and my significant other. He was a guy I met online after all, but idrc what you guys say, I know it's a genuine relationship. We talk everyday pretty much all day, any chance we get and we have video called each other more than once too. He also sends pictures of him and whatever he is doing regularly too.
Is it really wrong to have these things to myself when I know my parents would react poorly? Is it my fault to hide the little connections I have when I'm not even allowed to have friends? Was whatever my mom did just? Am I wrong to think bad things about my mother and not love her anymore after she tried to kill me? She beat me with a ruler trying to get the code to the phone, does that really matter that much? I still talk to my bf daily through my school computer because I downloaded ultrasurf from someone else's phone/charger.
After a month, my mom pretends like she didn't really try to kill me. She says things like, "You know I would never REALLY hurt you, right?" It's been messing with my head a lot and idrk what to believe anymore. My bf always found her to be a witch and I, before the incident, always replied in her defense. What's you guys' opinion? Please reply in your most genuine sense of logic.