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I spent many years of my life being the first to forgive people for their mistakes even when they continued to make the same mistakes over and over proving they were never really sorry, but when it came to forgiving myself I’d hold it against myself forever. There was no one on this planet who was harder on me then I was on myself. I spent years being my own worst enemy.
I’ve been called “ too sensitive “ for feeling a certain type of way and for the longest time I had myself convinced that being overly sensitive was a huge flaw of mine. I began apologizing for feeling sad , I apologized for being overly happy, I tried to tone down every emotion I had and completely change who I was in order to mould myself in a person society deemed “ acceptable “.
I allowed myself to stay in toxic relationships by continuing to look for happiness from the very people who were sucking it out of me.
I spent countless years accepting the love I was given & not the love I deserved and being told I was too much by people I later learned just weren’t enough.
It took me many years of low self esteem & self doubt to realize the only way I was going to find the happiness and love I deserve was to first fall back in love with myself and the world again. I decided the only way to build myself back up was to give as much love to myself that I gave to the undeserving & once I did that my life changed.
I’m now the happiest I’ve ever been, riddled in self love & working toward my future. I’m at peace with my past & excited to see what the future holds for me.
I made a promise to myself to put myself first and hold my own well being sacred regardless of how that looks to others and I’ll be damned if I break that promise to me for anyone ever again.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life and accepted way less then I deserved but if all the pain, hardships and insecurities had to happen for me to get where I’m at right here, right now overflowing with self love & happiness then i forgive myself for all of it. After all, perseverance & self love is the greatest middle finger of all time.
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YES!!!!
ReplyWell you can't just stop caring for others.
ReplyI want to say to you that I am happy for you. But I also want to tell you I'm sorry you went through all this and I too went through some of the same things. Forgiving others is hard but it' s worth it. We should all be forgiving and forgiven.
I've also been very hard on myself and can still be. And I too have low self-esteem.
I feel better than I have before when I was younger but am still having negative feelings of myself. But I'm happy to hear you're feeling better too! Hope this helps!
ReplyReading this makes me so happy! I feel like I've travelled a really similar journey and I'm just at the point of learning to love myself. It has been painfully slow and difficult but your words have given new life to how far I've come myself. You have really inspired me to keep my head high and keep moving forward for nobody but myself.
Also I'm so incredibly happy for you. ❤
ReplyI’m so happy to hear reading this has given you that extra push! It’s the toughest battle you’ll ever fight but keep on keeping on .. at the end of the day you are your longest commitment.
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