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This is gonna be hella long lol
Sooo ive been dating my boyfriend for 2 months and hes my first boyfriend ever... ive never been in a relationship but he's been in many-ish. I dont mind it of course. But idk... we are in a long distance relationship online relationship and I trust him a lot. Okay none of this is gonna be in order or make sense but imma just be organizing my thought lol.
I felt a bit threatened by the idea of his last ex because i was friends with him at the time that they were dating. They were dating for over half a year and lemme just say they were extremely cute. They suited each other a lot in every way shape and form. He LOVED her a lot and it was obvious lol. Like planning his future with her and from my pov. He was seriously in love with her. But she broke up with him and he was broken. Devastated.
Eventually he said he kinda liked me and well.... as the person who had a crush on him for a while and tried to not think about it cuz well he was taken, i was shocked and happy.
At first i said no but then ig i changed my mind cuz i do like him a lot. In my mind i was probably a rebound and honestly not the best situation for a first ever relationship. I went into the relationship thinking that i wont last and that he'll find someone for real or go back to her, not saying he'll cheat but i just didnt think id last. But so far it has.
In a way, im worried that im blocking any chances for him to find his true fit. He's very considerate and i know he treasures me as someone who's been there for him. Which is why i feel he might hold back from what he actually feels to not hurt me. Im worried im not the right choice for him and my friends said im not the one to decide because its his choice. But it still worries me. It is most likely a self confidence thing on my part.... but i dont want to be the reason for his missed opportunities.
He expresses his love for me tho. He was the first to say it. He is always trying to reassure me that he no longer likes his ex and in a way i think he has gotten over her. Which makes me feel better tbh but im also getting jealous of the girls around him. They can interact with him irl whereas all i can do is send supportive, casual, and flirtatious messages and some calls. He mentioned that one of his female friends kinda did something that he realized is a turn on and i mean it wasnt a big deal to me at that moment because stuff happens and i dont wanna be the demanding gf. He did say that if i feel uncomfortable about their interactions he could start avoiding her but i said it was okay. Cuz i do trust that he wont do anything. And if he does... he'll tell me.
He sent my a screenshot of their convo and i saw that he asked to call her and ig i got a bit jealous and insecure. Like this girl gets to interact with him irl, through text and through calls. I know im being obsessive and a crazy gf orz. Like i started thinking what if he starts liking her and realizing im actually not as good a match for him....
Honestly this relationship makes me extremely happy but also a bit insecure. When i was single, i was at a constant state of content i suppose and ig i kinda miss it. In a way i wanna break up but i also dont want to because i really do want to be together with him but thing is, he is a very honest guy who gives his all into stuff he likes and i dont want to waste his time. Im not sure what to do. I also got kinda annoying when i got insecure and bothered him a lot orz and i think he did get annoyed rip.
Maybe im not suited for relationships lol i want to tell him all this but idk. Ive already told him parts of it and i dont want to bother him with my insecurities. He has said i can rely on him but im worried itll end up scaring him away because ig he's more used to seeing my cheerful and optimistic side. And thinking about breaking up makes me on the verge of tears lol.
Another issue is we dont really have any similarities and ive tried engaging in his hobbies and all but idk if thats enough. We dont really have much to talk about with each other but i still really wanna talk to him and hear from him and know he's there. And he does his best to balance his own stuff and talking to me and im grateful. Also im grateful hes putting up with my idiocy and weird and awkward self. Like a huge thank you.
Orz im a high maintenance gf ig. If anyone read up to here thanks.
Idk lol im lost about what to do if anyone got advice or comment please help
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