What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
hey, i’m currently a college student who has recently began to dabble back into relationships. In the past i have faced a lot of physical, emotional and sexual abuse from multiple people. some of these did concur with a boyfriend at the time of the abuse and I have had a lot of trouble even letting men into my life since then (2 years ago). i just wanted to openly ask for advice or tips from people who have faced trauma and still somehow allow themselves to open up to others, especially romantic partners. i’ve always accepted the fact that maybe getting married wasn’t for me, but i am really starting to want a relationship with someone who is currently special to me. I know it just takes time, but i just really want some kind of guidance on how i can practice normalizing intimate feelings with someone without the usual post traumatic stress.
thanks
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
Traumatized
So my mom met this guy when I was six (I’m 18 now) and he’s been abusive since I can remember. I’ve witnessed physical and emotional abuse. I’m so traum...
-
My Unsent Letter
Dear Dad, I feel so many things as I embark on the journey of removing you from my life. I feel deep sadness, sadness that I've never felt before. I feel an...
hey there. I too have faced emotional and sexual abuse from men I've been in relationship with in the past. I'm just gonna kinda through out some thoughts of mine, I hope they may help! It is difficult to get back into dating and trying to put your heart out there, as its your own precious heart that is so important to be kept in tact. So it's really admirable that you are trying to take some shallow steps back into relationships. For myself, after being with multiple abusive men, I started to catch on to little signs and feelings and red flags that not only may point to just not being a quality man, but being abusive. Stay very very observant. Always. And there is no shame at all in if you see something or get a gut feeling, cut it off immediatly. I beleive its important to ask questions of whoever you begin seeing. Also, I've even straight up told men that I have had bad experiences in the past (don't go into detail until later down the road, if it even gets to that) and that I am not about to deal with any dumb shit. If they are quality men, they will understand and stick around. Myself I am a very emotional person, so it's hard to hide my feelings. If i feel a way about someone, I will tell them. However, may you have felt this too, in the back of my mind I always have a voice that questions...everything. That voice is okay, it just keeps thingsin check. But. I just really try and not let it get too big because we all deserve love, and especially those of us who have hurt the most. I guess I would just say, take. things. slow. slow at a pace that YOU are comfortable with. because you have the power to decide that. positive vibes your way.
ReplyHi :) I have been there. My advice for you would be to set clear boundaries and expectations for your significant other. Let that person know what you will not tolerate and be open about your reasoning (once you are comfortable and trust them.) I dont know about you, but I had some weird things happen and things that are normal like "goodnight kisses" are not normal for me anymore, so things that seem trivial to a significant other might have to be explained, or at least told they are off limits. And make sure to just have some fun. I love just getting out, and it takes pressure off the emotional, physical, and sexual component when you connect deeply in other ways. Its okay to take a break to get some fresh air or go out to dinner instead. I dont have much more to offer but I hope you find happiness and healing. You sound like you are on the right path.
Reply