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I was at my great grandmother's funeral a few days ago. And before going there I was at a point where I was done with the crying and I could feel happiness. I thought I could go to the funeral without crying. That didn't work, I cried so much. Seeing her husband, siblings, daughters and sons cry made me even more sad. I loved her but by going to the funeral I noticed that there were a lot of other people that were much more closer to her than I was. And it was heartbreaking seeing my great grandfather, her husband of 60 years crying and barely even walking. We went the next day to visit my great grandfather who now lives alone. When we left he started crying. And I feel helpless because I can't do anything. We live 5 hours apart and I don't have time to see him that often. Now I can't be happy without feeling guilty because I know that my great grandfather is in pain and alone. Whenever I smile the guilt hits me and I almost break down crying. I feel like instead of sending time being happy I should take care of my great grandfather and all my other relatives that are grieving. But there's nothing I can do.
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If it means anything, they probably don't want you to be sad.
Reply5 months ago, my grandma died in front of me. Until now, i can still feel the pain that i felt that day, but i'm trying to be okay. Don't be guilty for feeling that way. It only means that you already accept the fact that she's gone and let go of the things that we should not hold on to. I admire you for being brave. Just be there for your great grandfather, maybe not physically but as long as you can, remind him about you caring for him. Because that's what i need right now and maybe, that's what he also needs.
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