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There were times when you didn't see me. Like I was a ghost of your past. A mistake. Living under the same roof. Breathing the same air. Barely. Just barely breathing at all. When you did see me, you grabbed at me like one of your nightmare. Gripping and locking your hands in place around my neck like a pit bull's jaw. I would claw at your hands, your arms, try to get away from you. I never could. You were undefeated, winning every battle, every war for three years. It was unbearable. I yearned for air. I yearned to break away from your grasp. The first time I did, I enjoyed the freedom. Of course, it was short-lived. Once again, you captured me and held me prisoner. Eventually, you became blind to me yet again. I was the poltergeist that lived on the opposite side of the house, alone. The silence that filled those empty rooms was deafening. It was difficult to breathe. But I was suffocating for so long that I became accustomed to it. I became numb. I told you I didn't care about anything anymore. School. My one friend. Breathing. So you sent me away, but this time I didn't want to leave. I din't want more of a reason to be lonely. I begged to come home. You told me until I get my shit together, I wasn't going to. You sent me further away. I was surrounded by people 24/7 but I was still alone. My chest grew hollow. The only thing left was the echoing sound of tears I forced back. That slow and steady stream trickled down my throat and dropped into the well I called a heart. That stream soon turned into a raging waterfall that continued to pour into that stone-cold well. Like a faucet turning off, that waterfall came to an abrupt halt. I yearned to breathe. I yearned for home. But I had realized by then that your house wasn't my home. It's not like you wanted me anyways. I sat there broken. Filled with tears. Numb. Alone. Breathless. Why did you leave me alone? I know I shouldn't care. I know you're better off without me. I know you didn't choose me. But I can never bring myself to hate you. I love you, Daddy. I always will no matter what. I just wish you loved me back.
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