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Sleep is my savour. Not at night, but at every possible inconvenient moment. It is the only place that I cannot feel the deep hole inside. Sleep is sanctuary, it disconnects me from reality and means I can finally feel normal. Sleep is safe. No one can hurt me in my sleep and I can't hurt myself, so why can't I sleep at night? At night all the thoughts linger in my room, contaminating the air I breathe. I am suffocated by insecurities and truths that crowd my brain. There is no shelter from these thoughts infecting me like a disease. Don't you understand I'm sick? This illness affecting my head is no better than a chest infection or a common cold. This is just as limiting and even more threatening. I need help. I told the Doctor I didn't have urges to kill myself or harm myself but I do. I lied to him but I can't go back there for him to laugh and tell me I'm overreacting and 'it's just school' because it isn't. It is a constant mass on my mind. My brain has been stuck in this state for years and I don't know what it's like to be light minded and free from the pressure.
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Sleep is my savour. Of course, not at night, but at every possible inconvenient moment. It is the only place that I cannot feel the deep hole inside. Sleep is s...
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I can't sleep I can't sleep I can't sleep I can't sleep I can't sleep I can't sleep I can't sleep I can't sleep I can't sleep I can't sleep I can't sleep I ca...
I get that, insomnia can be a bother. And sleep can be bliss (not really my case, but I understand)
I promise that if a doctor doesn't take what seems like depression (Don't take my word for it), they might as well lose their medical license because mental health is just as important as physical health.
And even if 'it's just school' you have the right to talk to someone that won't judge you for it. (Even though it doesn't seem to be the case, honestly.)
You're not overreacting, and I believe in you completely.
Please, talk to someone you trust? There is always someone to talk to, and they won't judge, you're not bothering them, they're there for you.
Because people that love you will listen, and people that want to help, will take you seriously, even when you don't.
I hope you find the help you seek!
ReplySending positive willpower
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