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I hide my depression
1 week ago · · Rape,
hello, I'm 15 y/o, male.
the story starts when i was 7, my mother (single mom) was at work so she took me to her friends house.
in there, my moms friend had a son and a few daughters.
her son (15 at the time i think and lets call him... Jacob).
Jacob invented me to his room and I (unfortunately) agreed.
at his room, he started touching me and made me to do Inappropriate things with me (and made me to s*ck him).
that happed few times and i never told it to my mom.
part 2: in school (grade 2-5) i was known as a freak and had almost no friends. everyone told me i was ugly and some told me to kill myself.
in grade 6 i left to a new school in a new city.
in the first day, a kid threw a trashcan on me.
part 3: high school. Aka I think im gay:
i always knew i was gay. (aka part 1)
but in highschool (i am not out of the closet).
in high school, my awareness started, i started to think what i wear, how i talk, walk write...
and... in age 12 i realize I hate myself (yay.)
part 4: mom:
my mom and i leave alone. single mom , single son.
everything was ok till i had my 13th bday.
always when i act a little different she tells me to "return to myself". like wtf.
sometimes when she say that i want to choke her and yell to her that thats who i am.
(note: I don't smoke or drink)
she always puts me in the "im your mother and you are ungrateful" box.
(l work and give her all that I get because we don't have a lot of money .)
P.s i love my mom, shes the best mom.
but she always tell me that i get fat and staff.
part 5: I always was different.
i am my family's black sheep
I am always the uncomfortable kid to be with, from young age i Take pills to control my OCD in school, and that pill gives me my dream, to be a normal boy, to have nothing to be ashamed for... to think only about the good things and smile, be kind and respectful.
now... I always want to be wanted, i push in even if they don't want me, trying to be my best, but it shown as i only wants attention and that I'm weird.
(note: *I'M NOT WEEB. I hate anime.*)
I tale no one how I feel.
Im the guy in class that you think is gay, im the guy you tell new kids to stay away from, Im the guy who no one wants to sleep with him in the room, im the guy who tries to be funny. i am the fool, stupid kid who tries to love, and to be loved.