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This year I wanted to attempt and do a trip a bit out of my comfort zone to a foreign country Ive never visitied before. I hate doing things alone and I wanted to go with some friends so I pitched it to a good number of friends months in advance and one by one they started backing out due to other commitments or not being able to take time off work...There was one friend who was totally game on going all the way but she contributed very little to the planning process kinda just sat there and as I tried to push for this individual to contribute she only responded with passive "im fine with whatever" responses...so I knew I was on my own when it came to planning, but still believed the trip would be fine. when it came time to the absolute deadline of making purchases... I was waiting cause she hadnt said much about their money situation. I was informed that she went back to her home country recently and managed to forget to transfer money out to help contribute to the trip so it would take even longer until they could start spliting the cost. If you know anything about booking hotels and getting tours and plane tickets you cant wait until the very last minute for those...so I ended up getting what I could domestically and left her to get her own international flight and pay for the things that dont necessarily have an immediate time limit.
So when she final got her next paycheck she purchased the remaining things needed for the trip and her plane ticket to the country. A couple days go by and Im finally relaxing this trip is looking like a reality and Im bummed about how much money Ive paid but Ill be splitting the cost and things will be fine...thats what I thought, but I forget I have a history of extreme bad luck and my friend reminds me of this when she tells me a little more than a week out for our trip that when talking with a family member she discovered she needs a visa to get into the country. And im just thinking how...how did she miss that? how did I miss that weve been...Ive been planning this trip for almost half a year Ive done regular updates and research, but I didnt think to check and see if my friend needed a visa...I checked for myself only realized I didnt need one and thought nothing of it... So now here we are I feel selfish for not looking out for them and at the sametime Ive done 90% of what needed to be done for this trip......Im at a lost cause she purchased her plane tickets to get to the country much earlier and recently purchased the return ticket and the site warns folks to check and see what visas are necessary before going on the trip......
So I guess the important piece of this story is I have social anxiety terribly bad and this situation is an extreme stretch to my capabilities. where im going is also a even bigger stretch...Im a woman and im terrified of traveling alone because I feel like there will be this big target placed on my back because Im alone... I also dont find pleasure in doing things alone. Id much rather go with others share experiences have someone to talk with, but more times than I like I always always always end up just being on my own.....Im tired of it. I dont need to hear stories of I should take pride in my solace or I can use this time to reflect on me. Thats nice and all I reflect on myself everyday because I live alone, I dont have a partner, and I dont have many friends and family to talk with. I dont have issues in loving myself and I know what I want out of life...But at this point I feel its ridiculous I have to go through so much to go on a trip with friends and not be alone.
So im a couple days out from my trip and I still have to cancel somethings I booked for the two of us and Im not sure how Ill handle going it alone, Im just hoping I dont turn into a panicking mess and end up being stuck in the hotel all day...If I even make it out of the airport
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