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So, here's the thing. I've been married for almost 15 years and we're both freelancers working from home (though we do different things). This arrangement was working fine until more or less 2013 when, due to several factors outside our control, our income began to dwindle. We took more jobs, we accepted less than ideal gigs, until eventually we couldn't make rent and had to move out to the inner city, where we settled in my grandmother's former home.
We struggle a lot to make ends meet, and until now we've managed to keep our heads above the water. But the constant grind, the constant pressure of living from paycheck to paycheck, the constant decision of which bill to leave unpaid this or that month and which thing we need won't be put at the grocery list is finally wearing me down.
It's not that I don't love my wife; and she loves me back, too. It's just that I'm so very tired. None of our respective projects seem to work out in the end, and we're making less and less each month. We rarely even kiss anymore, though we don't fight or argue. We just... soldier on and try to survive.
To complicate matters further, we have two pre-teenage kids and I think they'd feel terrible if my wife and I divorced. So I'm stressed out, worn out, and on a major guilt trip on top of it all. I feel like there's no escape.
I'm terribly unhappy and don't know what to do.
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You have each other. You can make it! You've figured out things for 15 years, you can keep trying.
ReplyBelieve in your partner. I'm sure your wife is worn out too. Why don't you too talk sometimes?
ReplyShe is, indeed, and we've talked about it before. We agreed to keep on trying for the children's sake, and for our's. It's just... I'm afraid we're growing apart, even if we're not actively fighting or having arguments.
ReplyDo you think finance is the key factor here ? If so it might be worth one person to find a steady job, perhaps to know you will get a definite amount each month will ease the grind. Whenever I'm feeling bad about my relationship I make a list all about why i'm with my boy friend. It helps me to reaffirm why I'm with this man.
ReplyWe've been trying to get a steady job for a while now, but no luck. Both of us have college degrees, but we've been told we're "generalists" or "lack focus". And if we apply for a lesser job, we're "overqualified". It would be funny if it weren't so aggravating.
ReplyI have been there in the past, more than once in 23 years. The one question that comes to mind is: will separation or divorce alleviate the struggles you are facing or add to them? From reading your post it sounds like life challenges are stealing the love and energy out of the marriage. Change the subject on yourself, it isn't easy but can be done. Maybe focus on one positive thing you can do to move towards your partner each day.
ReplyThat's... actually quite sensible advice. Thank you!
ReplyI sincerely hope you are able to stay the course and see your marriage become stronger and more fulfilling!
Reply