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I have many regrets and have done some horrible things, but this should not define me as a person.
Everyone makes mistakes. You happen to make mistakes, and bare the weight on your shoulders until you feel forgiven. You need to realise that you're not setting out to hurt anyone on purpose. It was a mistake in the moment. If they can't forgive you, you should learn to forgive yourself.
Do you know how stupid you'll feel when you suddenly come to the realisation that you spent months worrying about what they think about you, what they're saying about you, when really it wasn't that big of a deal? That they may have hated you or had been angry at you in that moment, maybe even week, months - but they would have eventually gotten over it. It would have left their mind but because you're so fixated and paranoid about making this right, you make things worse.
Stop. Breathe. You haven't killed anyone. There is nothing you can't come back from. You are human. And if they choose to keep that one mistake over your head for the rest of their lives. Well, then its on their head. It's in their box. It's not your problem. You can't please everyone. And even if you tried, you would never be happy.
Learn to love yourself. That's step one. We can do this. We will have downfalls, maybe even take a few steps back -- but you gotta keep moving forward. Don't let those few steps make you give up! It happens to the best of us.
We need to forgive. We need to move on. We need to let go.
I forgive him. For everything, truly. He's broke my heart and yes I will feel bitterness from time to time. But I'm going to try to be a better person. If calling him Peter Griffin will get me to that stage, then so be it!
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:) I like your outlook and it makes sense, I wish I could live by it myself. I'm finding it really hard to let go and forgive myself for something and its destroying me.
ReplyI know exactly how you feel. It was eating me alive for months. I was lucky enough to find closure and he forgave me. If it's brought back up again, I will not feel regret or remorse as I've told him why I did what I did and if he chooses to be a hypocrite, that's in his box of issues because I've removed it from mine.
However, if you're still struggling to forgive yourself, I'd say write it down. Write down what it was, why you did it. Meditation and talking about it really helps. You will find yourself going back to that place, and on those unfortunate days, just live through the pain.. it's the only way to get through it. It will get better though. Its just right around the corner :)
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