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Since my last rant, I’ve accepted the fact that I’m probably going to be lonely forever. Ik it’s probably irrational considering I’m 15 and have years ahead for me but I’ve already proved myself so this is my mindset unless something changes.
Anyway that’s not what I’m here to talk about, this is about the sort of “teenage identity crisis” that I think I’m going through. Today I felt horrible, hidden behind a goofy dumb persona during school :)
Let’s see... I am extremely confused, I’m goofy like 24/7 so it should be normal for me to be weird at school, but for some reason I go a bit too far, hugging and bothering my friends(and sometimes random people) for attention. And I can’t just suddenly act how I do at home out of nowhere cuz I’ve built this person for years and just now realizing how much it makes me feel horrible and painful at the fact that I don’t have control and act goofy to the point where it physically hurts being that dumb.
How about I take it back to give u an idea lol. These are some times that I’ve noticed when “it” starts:after hanging around my friends... actually I think that’s it. Right after hanging with a certain group, I completely change for the rest of the school day, until I get home. Some things I do:hug my friends(not so bad) attempt to hug people who don’t want hugs, make random noises, pretend like I don’t know something I actually do, ignore questions or threats given to me(the threats are usually from people I try to hug) and basically just act like I’ve taken several different drugs, or escaped from an insane asylum.
I haven’t found a useful solution yet, but what I want is to be ok with being around people as the real me, the me that doesn’t try to act dumb for attention. But the 2 major problems I see are:I don’t have any other social skills other than being goofy, and most people don’t even talk to me because I’ve scared everyone to the point where they try to redirect me to someone else(cuz they think I’m an idiot), or ignore me. Anyone else been in something similar and can help? Cuz I don’t want to go the next 2 years ditzy and lonely in a lifeless figure. If not, thx for reading anyway :3
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