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OK so I don't even know where to begin..
Im just absolutely sick and done with everything, I've completely lost the ability to pretend I'm OK because I'm not even kind of OK anymore.
I'm physically exhausted of fighting with my own mind and not even being able to explain why I feel the way I do.
I'm sick of crying myself to sleep every single night and now apparently crying all day every day and also having constant anxiety attacks on my way to work (that's how I popped my tire - lost concentration)
I can hardly sleep now because the thoughts are so intrusive.
I'm sick of working my fucking ass off just to pay to live inside my house because I'm so fucking terrified of being happy just for it to almost kill me when everything to inevitably fall apart.
It's pathetic how my best days are when I stay in bed all day and don't see or speak to anyone..
I'm in such crippling pain and anxiety every day and the only thing I can think about is not hurting my family and friends.
I just can't do this anymore š
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Aaww. You are not alone. Seek God and you shall find peace and comfort.
ReplyI've been fightin in the same ship as you. I am thankful for this outlet as a tool to get these kind of thoughts out. There is a purity to this page. I am more than honored blessed and grateful to be here for you and to be someone who can hear you and respond back. We may be surrounded but we will fight til our natural passing from this life. -AL
ReplyI'm extremely sorry your feeling this way. Trust me, i've felt they same way that you do now. You're not alone with feeling this way. MANY people do. Some even decide to end it right there and then.
But please, talk! Give any kind of sign that will make you noticed!
Scream, cry, Yell, anything!
Scream for help.
Cry for support.
Yell to be noticed.
Anything!
I have been suicidal Before. I was because of my abusive step father. He not only hurt my mother, he hurt me and my brother! I wanted to die because i saw how hurt my family was, not knowing that by self harm, i was hurting them even more.
I reret every scar i have on my arms. I cried, i cut, i tried drug overdose. It eased the pain on the inside, but made it worse on the outside.
Soon i realized that i not only hurt myself, i hurt the ones i loved! I knew that by doing that, i gave my step father what he wanted all along. He wanted me to beg for him to stay, beliving that i would Think he was my only hope.
You only cry for help if you belive help exist for you. I didn't. At first.
I belived that everyone woiuld be happy without me. I was wrong. I tried to cry for help.
.
.
.
I got help..
I may just be Another person behind a screen. But i want to help! I want to change someone's Life from dark to Bright! I want to because someone did that for me once. I will be forever grateful.
So please, talk to someone! Anyone! Someone will understand!
If you don't feel loved then ask straight out, do you love me?
Your mother.. What would she do without you? If she walks into your room to find you dead on your bed? How would she react? 99% is that she will scream and cry, shaking you to Wake you up and later call your father or other mother. The 1% left is that she will take her own Life just to be with her daughter/son. Your father? What about him? If your mother calls him to tell him that his Child is dead? If you have any siblings, how will they react? You were supposed to be there for them, weren't you? Your best friend? What will she do or say if your principal goes into the classroom to tell everyone you took your own life? You matter. Even if you don't Think so.
Again, scream, call or cry for help! Even if you don't belive there's any help in this World! Because no matter how hard you try to tell yourself ,"They won't care!!" It will ALWAYS be straight out bullsh*t.
Please stay safe and protected! <3
-T
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