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My parents met in college. My dad saw my mom from a distance and fell in love with her immediately. He thought she was beautiful and heard she was smart, and so he chased after her. Eventually, my mom gave in. She was not initially attracted to him at all, but she saw how persistent and romantic he was, and gradually fell for him.
They started dating in the winter of their second year in college and got married the year after their graduation. My mom was 22 and my dad was 23.
They had good years together. They were poor immigrant students in America, but they were happy and they were in love.
But something changed over the years. I don't know what it was.
Maybe as they grew more successful, they felt that they no longer needed one another. Maybe it was right before my maternal grandma passed away and my mom was spending more time back home taking care of her family. Maybe it was when my dad got laid off and had to start his own company, which led to him working long and tiring hours and feeling unappreciated.
Or maybe they were just never meant to be.
After all, they've not been very close to one another for most of my life. Especially in the past ten or so years.
I remember the winter of my third grade, they argued all through Christmas and New Year's. It was nonstop arguing as my sister and I sat on the stairs crying. "Are you guys going to get a divorce?" my sister asked. My parents looked shocked. "No, of course not," they told us, "We promise."
They kept that promise for a very long time.
But this past August, after 26 (or maybe it's 27? I don't know, they never celebrated their anniversary) years of marriage, they told my sister and I that they were divorcing.
First, some background. My mom never wanted a divorce. She had always hoped that it would work out. It was my dad who felt that things wouldn't work out, and it was he who asked for the divorce.
I don't know if it was my mom who was right in her persistence and her devotion or if it was my dad who was right in his realization that the love they'd once had was simply gone (keep in mind that they've been struggling with their marriage for over a decade!).
But either way, the result was the same. My parents would be getting a divorce.
It wasn't a surprise to us though. I had been watching my parents gradually stop fighting with one another, not because they were suddenly in love again, but because they had stopped talking to each other entirely. When they fought, it was because they still cared. But now, there was nothing to fight about. There were no feelings there anymore.
That's how you know two people are completely over. That's how you know beyond a shadow of a doubt that a relationship is coming to an end.
But, even knowing this, even having had the past year to prepare for this, I was still not ready for just how much a divorce would affect me. It sounds silly, I know, but in my head, all that would happen was that my parents would be happy again.
But in December, literally ten minutes before my mom was about to sign the lease to her new apartment, my dad texted her and asked to talk to her. And asked her if they could try to work it out again.
Later that day, they broke the good news to my sister and I. "Your mom and I have decided to try again. We are still in love," my dad told us.
They hugged each other and looked so unbelievably happy.
I was in complete shock. Never in my life had I believed that something like this could happen. I mean, certainly, I had hoped and dreamed, but for it to truly happen?
That lasted approximately three days before they fought again and a week before they (i.e. my dad) decided to call it quits.
Just 15 days after their announcement of getting back together, my mom had signed the lease to her apartment. "It's over," I thought, "They've already tried their best, the lease is already signed. It's over."
And it truly was over.
In early February, my mom moved out.
And yet, even though my dad had rushed my mom to move, even though he'd wanted the divorce in the first place, he seemed sad and depressed in the weeks following her move. He slept poorly, barely ate, and cried fairly often (I had never seen him cry before this divorce).
This was a surprise to me. I knew my mom would cry. I knew my mom was incredibly sad about this, I had expected it. But for my dad to feel the same way?
At this point, I was completely confused. If neither of them wanted a divorce, if both of them were happier married, then why on earth would they divorce?
Despite this all, they have been going through with it. My mom filed the divorce papers. They each have divorce lawyers (note: don't get divorced, it's outrageously expensive!).
But just yesterday, my dad told me that he missed my mom. Now, my mom has told me many, many times that she still loves my dad and would go back if he were ever to ask and that the only reason she is agreeing to divorce is because she sees that it would be better for him. To hear that my dad felt the same way (when he says he "misses" someone, what he means is that he loves them and can't live without them) was a surprise to me.
And then he asked me, what would I think of it if he were to try to get back together with my mom.
So now I'm left here, more confused than ever. I'm hopeful, yes, but I'm scared beyond belief.
I can't shake away that worry that it just might not be enough. That it might not work. That maybe, all the love in the world just won't be able to make this right.
I don't know what's going to fucking happen anymore.
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I hope your parents get back together. All the best wishes.
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