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Depression feels like a robotic kind of emptiness, a dullness, kind of sleeply haze in which you know life continues around you, but the monotony invades your brain. Mixing this with anxiety, so any change to the routine makes you feel like your suffocating under the stress and your skull is about to implode crushing your grey matter, and you find yourself writing things like this on the internet or in a secret folder on your laptop that only you know about. And now whoever is reading this. My body decided a long time sgo that chronic and life changing lung infections and throat infections leading to a choking cough was the next cool, and hey presto you have yourself the ideal candidate for a treatment normal people call "suicide". Ah suicide. I've been thinking about it every single day for almost three years, well except for the days I spent sleeping off my last attempt at a panadol overdose. When I think of suicide I get a warm fuzzy feeling in the numbness, like a half hug, half strangle kind of feeling. As a person who has self harmed, yes there have been moments where I seriously could have done it, however I'm waiting. I have three people who bully me at school, and they are probably the only reason I am still alive. I'm waiting. I'm waiting for one of them to say or do something that they will remember for the rest of their lives as the defining moment that made me kill myself. Maybe that will make them wake up to them selves. However until then, I think I'll just stick to bawling my eyes out once a week and then visiting novni. From now on, someone can follow my posts because I'll sign them with what my bully C calls me. Signing off
-Megatron
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I really, really hope that you receive the help you need; I promise, although making them suffer seems incredibly satisfying, this is not the way to handle it.
Don't die to spite them, don't live to wait for them to mess up, live for a reason that's worth living for, whether that's a family, a friend, a pet, a new episode of a TV show, and hopefully you'll live for yourself too.
Best of luck, friend.
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